#and something that tells you there is beauty in the world

[hope-for-the-planet]

Trans person in the US. Bust some of the doomerism for me? Tell me it's going to be okay?

Hi Anon

Usually, I have boundaries for myself about keeping this blog focused on environment-related issues, because there are limits to what I can speak knowledgeably about. But now doesn’t feel like the time for that.

Anon, I will tell you that I live in the US, I am queer, my spouse is trans, and we have two young children. I am sitting right there with you in the fear and grief and every day when I ask myself “is there still hope” I find reasons to say “yes”.

They want us—all of us, not just queer folks—to feel overwhelmed and hopeless, because despair is a tool that keeps people from realizing their power and taking action.

They want us to feel so afraid that we lose our faith in other people and withdraw from our communities, because we are easier to conquer alone.

Do not give them what they want.

Hope is most necessary in the bad times. The ability to imagine a future that is better than things are now is exactly what gives us the power to begin making things better. Our community has been through terrible things before, and they did not lose hope or give up—otherwise we would not be where we are today.

When you start to feel like all the light is being blotted out, turn off the news, put away your phone, and go get in touch with something you love. Go outside and look at the sky, talk to a friend, listen to music, do some small thing to make something better even if it’s just cleaning your kitchen or picking up some litter around the block or returning an extra stranded cart in the grocery store parking lot. Remind your brain that you have agency to make positive change in the world through your actions.

I know it is really hard to pull out of the darkness sometimes. I know there will be days that hope seems like a foolish, naive thing, that despair and distrust seem like the only rational options. But hope is what keeps us alive. Hope is what allows us to save each other.

I wish I could give you a specific article or other source to reassure you that everything is going to be ok, but things are still too in flux day by day. I can tell you that people are already fighting back, in big and little ways, all over this country and the world. These orders and bills are being pushed by a loud but small minority—this is not how the majority of the country feels about trans rights.

Make a plan for staying safe. Reach out to your community. Find music, activities, podcasts, movies, whatever helps you feel uplifted and take mental breaks from dwelling on the news. If you can, find ways to get involved in making things better in whatever big or small way feels doable for you--it may help push back on the doomerism more than you think. And my inbox is open if you need to talk.

I wish I could invite you over for dinner. I wish I could look into your eyes and tell you that things may get hard for the next few years but that does not mean that your life can't still be full of joy and beauty and fulfillment in spite of that.

I’m right there with you. Let’s make it through this together <3

[track-maniac]

#maybe this isn't my room to speak in #but as a cis girl. i simply exist as wanting to be a girl #much of that want as an adult is surrounded by wanting to be a girl in a world where it's safe and free and fair to be a girl #but there is always a sense i have of liking being a girl and being like yeahhh thats me #im not always at my most feminine but i am comfortable w how that fluctuates bc i feel at my core that Im Girl #yknow #so if you look in the mirror and look within yourself and you feel Girl then that is valid and that is true and don't ever let anyone #deny you that. especially not yourself. #afab cis girls already are questioned enough in society for not meeting the standards for being girl enough bc society thinks Girl is an act #but that's not true. Girl is a state of mind and a state of being and wholly true to your existence #you need to live that truth and try it on for size #also i think being a trans woman is such a beautiful thing because it. um #because it is. it just is and anyone who tells you otherwise is attacking from their own insecurities and their own places of hurt. #or it's from cis men who hate to see a woman who they realize isn't under their control bc they think a uterus is how they cam control cis w #anyways sry I'm rambling so much #but be trans be beautiful and be your soul says you are bc you deserve that #i may not understand what y'all go through but I understand the struggle to see yourseld in the light you have envisioned #xoxo #trans rights bitch

Not only is this everyone's room to speak in as long as they're respectful, this may also be one of my favourite additions. Because of everything you said but also because it serves as a reminder of something I lost track of when I started interacting with trans girls here: cis people like/want their agab and it's not cis to always think about hrt or different clothes

Idk who needs to hear this but you don't need "signs" to tell you you're a girl. You don't need it to hurt in your guts either. You can just want to try it, and you should.

In retrospect, many of my memories can be analysed as a sign of being trans. But the key point here is "in retrospect". I didn't see any of that before realising I'm a girl. I didn't even feel dysphoria before realising I didn't want to be masculine.

6 months ago, I just thought I was a good ally with every sign of being cis. If you feel like this and you love trans people and think they're so cool and think being trans is really beautiful, maybe just try new pronouns and a name online. No one who matters will be mad at you for doing it.

Had I seen a post like this, I would've figured myself out 3 years earlier

@gnome-de-official

[wenclair-more-like-whenclair]

If you’ve ever thought about writing smut or a sex scene but for some reason haven’t bc of fear or shame, this is your sign from God telling you that you should go for it. You should just go for it.

Genuinely, seriously, and completely unironically, writing sex scenes and exploring my favorite characters’ sexualities in writing has been one of the most healing and rewarding hobbies I have embraced in my adulthood. As someone who grew up queer in a hyper-conservative Christian space, I felt robbed of getting to explore sexuality in a healthy way, but writing smut can be such an amazing way to understand your own kinks and desires. Personally, it has helped me figure out what I am looking for sexually in a relationship and how I would like to be treated.

The internet has never had greater communities than the thousands of ppl on this app and ao3 who bond over a shared love of fictional character porn. Seriously, I have yet to think of anything more BEAUTIFUL and MAGICAL than the spiritual connection we feel across continents and all over the world just bc we believe that two men want to fuck. And trust me, there is something freeing and liberating about getting to write it yourself. Is there any kink you’d like to explore but are too shy to explore it with a partner at first? There is literally not a safer space than your own mind and the beautiful words you will create just trying to describe a cock going into a hole.

This is me fully affirming and supporting anyone across the world who wants to write about some fucking. DO THAT SHIT, man. It’s SO FUN. In my mid-twenties, my ideal relaxing day off is literally making myself a cup of hot coffee, turning on the lo-fi, and writing a good smut scene between one of my favorite ships. Literally the highest form of self-care imo. Nothing feels better. WRITE THAT SHIT.

[solxamber]

hello here for the valentine event!!

Jade, Romantic, Suffering by Jorge Rivera-Herrans

first epic song of the event let's gooo

"Jump in the water" || Jade Leech

𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐲 𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞'𝐬 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭

𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠: Suffering by Jorge Rivera-Herrans

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 940

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐬: Siren!Jade x Sailor!Reader

You are lost at sea.

The wind has betrayed you, the stars offer no guidance, and the waves push you further from home. It’s been days—weeks?—adrift on endless waters, and all you know is that if you don’t find land soon, the ocean will claim you for itself.

Then, you see them.

Ships. Empty ships.

Abandoned vessels dot the horizon, their sails limp, their decks silent. A graveyard of those who have sailed these waters before you, of those who heard it and did not resist.

Sirens.

You do not hesitate.

With swift, practiced hands, you rip strips of cloth from your shirt and stuff them into your ears. The world dulls instantly. The ocean is quieter, your own heartbeat louder. You grip the wheel and steel yourself as you push forward.

And just as you expected—

He is waiting.

A siren, perched upon jagged rocks, half-shrouded in mist. He is beautiful—unearthly and elegant, with scales that shimmer like pearls. His long, webbed fingers trace idly over the stone as he watches you, his expression calm, patient.

His lips move. You can’t hear him, but you already know the words.

"Come to me."

You shake your head, firm.

The siren tilts his head, undeterred. He speaks again.

You pretend to consider it, then say, “I can’t swim.”

The siren blinks. His lips curl, amused. “I will teach you.”

You shake your head again. “I’m scared of the water.”

His laughter is silent, but you can see it in the way his shoulders shake.

Then, he leans forward, fingers grazing the surface of the waves. “Then I will hold you.”

Your lips twitch, just a little. Persistent. You’ll give him that.

Then, just to see his reaction, you grin and say, “I don’t want my feet wet. Why don’t you come up here instead?”

It’s meant to be a joke. A final attempt to frustrate him, to force him to give up on you.

But to your utter shock—

The siren reaches out to you.

His webbed hand extends, open and waiting, his mismatched eyes gleaming with something unreadable.

You shouldn’t. You know you shouldn’t.

And yet—

Before you can think, your fingers are wrapping around his, and you’re pulling him aboard.

He lands on the deck, water cascading off his tail, hands braced against the wood. He blinks up at you, utterly unreadable, before slowly shifting, his body morphing—legs, now, instead of a tail, seawater dripping from his skin, but still otherworldly, still not quite human.

You take a step back, breath heavy.

“You’re a siren.” It isn’t a question.

The siren smiles, slow and knowing. “And yet,” he hums, tilting his head, “you still pulled me in.”

You have no answer for that.

Maybe you did fall for his song, after all.

Jade—he says his name is Jade—does not devour you.

In fact, he does something even stranger.

He helps you.

He moves like he’s been aboard a ship before, like he knows the ocean better than any human sailor ever could. He studies the maps, adjusts the sails, tells you which direction to follow.

“Why?” you ask him, cautious.

Jade only smiles, pressing a finger to his lips.

You should be more wary. You should be scared.

But you aren’t.

Not when you catch him watching you, gaze unreadable. Not when he tilts his head, just slightly, as if trying to understand you.

Not when, after long days at sea together, you finally see land on the horizon.

Your homeland.

You exhale, relief flooding through you. “We made it,” you breathe, turning to him. “Jade—”

But when you look at him, he is not celebrating.

He is watching you.

Like he’s waiting for something. Like he’s already preparing to disappear beneath the waves before the ship reaches the shore.

The thought makes your stomach twist.

Before you can stop yourself, you reach for him. “Come with me.”

Jade stills.

His lips part, caught off guard, the first time you’ve truly seen him surprised.

Then, slowly—slowly—he leans in.

His breath is cool against your skin, the scent of saltwater clinging to him. His eyes sharp, flicker to your lips, then back to your gaze.

His voice is softer this time, curious.

“…What makes you think I won’t drown you now?”

You meet his gaze, steady and sure. "You won't," you say, voice unwavering.

Jade’s expression flickers—something fragile, something hesitant, something almost human beneath the inhuman beauty of his mismatched eyes. He has spent his life luring sailors into the depths, pulling them under, watching them sink.

But you—you pulled him up instead.

His fingers brush against yours, tentative at first, before they lace together, webbed skin cool against your warmth. He steps closer, close enough that you can feel the dampness of his borrowed clothes, the scent of the ocean clinging to him.

Then, finally—finally—he closes the distance.

His lips meet yours, soft and searching, like the tide pulling against the shore. His hand cups the back of your neck, tilting you to him, holding you as if afraid you’ll slip away like seawater through his fingers. But you don’t. You stay, leaning into him, letting yourself fall into the moment.

For the first time in his life, Jade Leech is not the one luring someone in

For the first time, he is the one being caught.

When he pulls away, his lips are curved in something softer than his usual smirk. "Well," he murmurs, tilting his head, "perhaps I will join you on land, just for a little while."

You laugh, tugging him in for another kiss, already knowing—he’s never going to leave.

Masterlist ; Valentine's Event

[ryumean]

having a hard day . . . jjk men comforting you

jjk men’s ways of comforting you when you’re having a long, tiring day. including gojo, nanami, and choso. pt2 for geto, toji, and sukuna? lmk!

[ sweet bf jjk men ! tired user ] . . .

sfw. fluff, fluff, SM FLUFF, comfort. not proofread. lowercase intended. enjoy, lovelies (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠ ♡

pulling you on top of his lap, gojo wraps his arms around your waist as you straddled his hips. hiding your face on his neck, tears flowing down from your pretty eyes. you feel his hand rubbing against your back, wishing to shush your sorrows down. his other hand slid through the strands of your hair. kissing your temple, gojo would whisper words of affirmation, telling how amazing and strong you are.

he held the back of your neck before whispering, “my poor baby, she doesn’t deserve this,” he continued to leave kisses along your cheek. “hold on to me as long as you want, okay? i got you. i got you always.”

as long as he saw the pain and worry plastered on your face, his eyes softened before asking, “what’s wrong, sweetheart?” nanami gently held your face with both of his hands, as if he was scared he would break something so delicate and beautiful. you leaned back against the counter, continuing to sob as you try to conduct words you want to say to him but all you could do is call for his name. “kento...” and that’s when nanami pulled you for a hug, “shh, shh,” he whispered. “i know, sweetheart. i know,” he held your hips and lifted you on top of the counter. he slid his hands through your thighs, making him stuck between your limbs.

he cupped your cheek, wiping your tears with the pad of his thumb. “it’s alright, sweetheart. you don’t have to tell me now,” nanami pressed a soft kiss against your nose then your forehead. “i’ll be here with you throughout it all.”

choso pulled the duvet on to your chest and held your hand, rubbing soft circles against your skin with his thumb. “you’re so perfect,” he whispered, brushing his knuckles gently along your cheek. he leaned down, propping his elbow to support his body beside you. you’re on your back, watching the man of your life pepper your hand with kisses. “i love you, i’m here.”

he tucked some stray hair behind your ear, his eyes admiring your every feature as if conveying all his love and devotion to you. he leaned closer, giving your lips feathery kisses. and after, he whispered, “i’m never leaving your side, my love. you are my world, i am your constant.”

©️ ryumean 2025

[amorre1989]

metal box

word count: 3,6k

about?: your sweet boyfriend forgot his lunch, and you're a sweetheart so you bring it to him.

who?: Spencer Reid; reader; Penelope Garcia; Derek Morgan; David Rossi; Aaron Hotchner; Jennifer Jareau.

maybe next time I'll write about dinner night with the team ;)

The bed felt empty. The space that was some hours ago filled with your boyfriend's warmth was now filled with wrinkled sheets. You sighted, you missed him, even after sharing the night together. The clock hit 9 am and you got up, you went directly to the kitchen just to see: the little box that holds Spence's usual snacks and a little sandwich accompanied with a note from you, resting on the counter of the kitchen, Spence would never forget something like that...is it a trick? an excuse for you to bring it? for him to go back home and to see you? (still sleeping, as usual).

"I think you might have forgotten something, baby" you texted, then deleted it. What if I surprise him? would it be wrong? out of place? maybe would it make him feel embarrassed to have his little girlfriend bringing him his lunch? as if he's a dumb lost kid. No...he wouldn't... right?

There you were, all dressed up (just in case) in front of the door of a big building unknown to you. You asked a secretary where you have to go, then followed by a little chat and her indicating the elevator where you had to get in, you got in. There you are...in an elevator... of your boyfriend's work, serious work, a work only men do, men with big brains and... beautiful eyes...and, next thing you know you're smiling like a goof remembering his face, so cute.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, you looked good, the sunshine from the morning made an effect on you. Spence told you, once he saw you enjoying the sun on a warm day, that vitamin D helps the body to absorb calcium, which helps the bones, so now, it feels like your bones tickle every time you're under it.

A sound, a movement, the elevator doors opened, why are you nervous? this is dumb.

You walked, a little lost, looking for something to indicate your boyfriend's location.

"hello!" you turned around. A blonde, with bangs and a very colorful outfit was saying hello to you.

"hi!" you smiled "I'm looking for Dr Reid, do you know him?".

"I do! why are you looking for him?" she looked down at your hands, holding that metal box she seemed familiar with. "oh.my.god. that's Spencer's lunch box!"

You giggled, "yeah, he forgot it at home, I wanted to give it to him"

"you're- you're his girlfriend!?" you felt like she was about to throw herself at you, you smiled and nodded. "oh my god! this is so exciting!" she tooked your arm and made you walk towards a door, people were watching you, people tipping on a keyboard and answering calls.

She knocked on the door, is Spence there?

"I'm Penelope by the way" she said while waiting for someone to shout her to come in.

It clicked, of course she was.

"oh I'm sorry!, I'm Y/N, Spence has told me a lot about you, about everyone actually he tells me you're a genius with technology and-" you got interrupted by the door opening, she did.

"I'm sorry to interrupt but I have a little present for Reid right behind me..." she said, you could hear her smiling. She took your hand and exposed you to what felt like the world. Then you saw him, confused, all dressed up (so cute!) a tie and a shirt, and...pants and stuff. With his hair styled as you told him he looked good!.

He smiled, blushing "hey!" he got up and stand in front of you.

"hi" you smiled "you forgot...your lunch, I'm sorry, is this wrong?" you asked. His face, so close, but perfectly positioned to allow you to notice Garcia whispering "she's his girlfriend!" expecting not to be heard.

"no! it's perfect, thank you! thank you..." he kissed your cheek. Maybe that was what was necessary to make the theories be confirmed, he kissed your cheek! you saw some eyes about to leave their respective faces, and smiles and open mouths, and a little gasp and jumps coming from, who else? Garcia.

"uhm...this is the team, guys, this is my girlfriend y/n" he introduced you, you waved along with a smiling hi, followed by a ton of hello's from the team.

"anyway" you said to Spence "that was it baby, I don't wanna bother you"

"you don't bother me..." he said, face like he was hurt by you thinking you'd EVER bother him.

"you're good! come here, sit!" you heard from who you assume is Derek. "let's have a little chat" he said taping the desk.

"oh no, please, you're working, I didn't mean to bother" you said smiling, interrupting wasn't your intention.

"oh please! when will we have the chance to meet you anyway!?" said Garcia.

"it would be more appropriate to do it over dinner" said probably Hotch, damn what a deep voice.

Spence looked at you, those eyes, god, you could eat them.

"we could...have dinner at my house if you'd like someday" you smiled "thank you though, please, I don't mean to bother" again, bother, what an ugly word.

"that'd be lovely, do you cook?" said an old man, Rossi.

"I try..." you answered. He smiled, Spence rushed to say "she does! she cooks very well, she's the one that took care of me when I had the chicken pox and only drank soup for two weeks"

"I love soup, maybe you can share your recipe for my kids" you heard from a pretty blonde woman.

"of course" you smiled. "anyway...I'll let you guys work, I'll be waiting for our dinner, nice to meet you all".

A ton of hands waved in your direction next to " "bye's" and some "nice to meet you". Spence walked you to the elevator, holding hands walking playfully.

"thank you for bringing me my lunch, babe" he said, holding the low of your back.

"it's nothing...did you actually forget it though?" you asked.

He smiled, you laughed and hit him with your elbow.

"I'm not the only profiler in the house I see" he said leaning his face close to yours, you smiled and kissed him. Again, that sound from the elevator.

"I'll see you at night" it almost felt like your body didn't want to leave his, you felt his fingers gripping the back of your sweater, you kissed him again and tried to walk to the elevator but you felt his grip on your arm, he kissed you again, then a little kiss, then you gave him another.

"I love you, thank you" he said. You waved while pressing the elevator button.

"I love you more" you said

"I love you more" he said and leaned again to kiss you one last time, you giggled and the elevator doors closed after he got his head out of them both. Your last view was him waving and smiling, that dumb smile that made you melt and feel safe the first day you saw him, so sweet, so him. As you.

[hjvi]

𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝑼𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒏 𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒅

Pairing: Bsf!Chris Sturniolo x Fem!Reader

Summary: After burying your feelings for Chris for years, you're caught off guard when jealousy resurfaces, watching him with another girl. requested

Word Count: 2k

You’ve known Chris for as long as you can remember. His laugh is unmistakable—the kind that echoes, rich and deep, bouncing off walls and filling every corner of the room with warmth. He’s always been loud, full of life, and incredibly magnetic, effortlessly drawing people in with his charm. But for you, it was always more than that.

You knew him long before you started feeling this way—long before his tousled brown hair, with the hints of sun-kissed highlights, started looking a little too perfect in the way it fell over his forehead. Before his blue eyes started making your stomach twist in a way you could no longer ignore. Before you started noticing the little things, like the warmth of his hand when it brushed against yours, the way he’d throw his arm around your shoulders during movie nights with the group, the way he’d pause mid-sentence, just to smile at you like he couldn’t help himself.

For so long, you’d been his best friend—the quiet one, the one who had always been there for him, laughing at his jokes, listening to his stories, offering support. But recently, it started to feel different. You started noticing things—small things—that never bothered you before. His smile. How it lingered just a little longer when he looked at you, how his eyes would soften when you spoke about something that mattered to you. The way he would rest his hand on your shoulder casually when you were hanging out, as though it was the most natural thing in the world.

But you couldn’t admit it—not even to yourself. Because how could you? He was Chris, your best friend. Your partner in crime, the one you could tell everything to, the one who made you laugh when you felt like crying. If you told him how you felt, you were terrified it would ruin everything. You couldn’t lose him, not like that. Not over something as silly as a crush.

Ever since Chris and I were kids, he had the biggest crush on me. His brothers would tease him relentlessly, making exaggerated kissing noises every time he so much as looked at me for too long. Everyone knew. It was an unspoken truth, something that just existed between us, a constant presence I never had to question.

It lasted for years. And I never thought much of it—Chris always asking me dumb questions just to talk to me, always finding excuses to sit beside me, always looking at me like I hung the stars in the sky. It was just Chris being Chris.

Until he stopped.

I don’t know exactly when it happened, but one day I realized he didn’t ask me those corny things anymore. He didn’t try to sit closer. He didn’t stare at me like I was his entire world. And I should’ve been relieved, should’ve been grateful that the teasing from his brothers had finally died down.

But I wasn’t.

I missed his attention. I missed knowing I was the center of his focus..

I remember the first time we formally talked about our crushes. It was in middle school, sprawled out on his bedroom floor, tossing a stress ball back and forth.

"I kinda like Sophia," he had admitted, his voice casual, like he wasn’t saying something that made my stomach twist.

Sophia. The blonde that every guy liked. The one with the kind of effortless beauty that made people gravitate toward her. Of course, he liked her.

I had forced a smile, nodding. "Yeah? She’s cool."

Chris studied me for a second before tossing the ball again. "Who do you like?"

I froze. My heart stuttered, my mind scrambling for a name that wasn’t his.

Because for the first time, I realized—I liked Chris.

And it terrified me.

"I don’t know," I lied, shrugging. "Haven’t really thought about it."

He smirked. "Liar."

I laughed it off, quickly changing the subject, but the truth sat heavy in my chest.

The weight of unspoken words had never felt heavier than it did now. For as long as I could remember, Chris had been my person. My best friend. The one I could always count on to make me laugh when the world felt unbearable. The one whose presence alone made everything feel lighter. But somewhere along the way, things had shifted. My laughter lingered a little too long when he cracked a joke. My heart raced a little too fast when his hand brushed against mine. My eyes searched for him in every crowded room, drawn to him in a way I knew wasn’t just friendly.

I had fallen in love with him.

And I never told him.

I buried those feelings so deep inside me, convinced that if I ignored them long enough, they would disappear. Because why would someone like Chris ever look at me that way? He deserved someone beautiful, effortless—someone who didn’t trip over their own words when he smiled at them. And if I ever told him, it would ruin everything. So I stayed quiet. I convinced myself that being his best friend was enough.

But then, Leah came into the picture.

At first, it was just a passing thought. You knew about her, of course. She was friends with the group, always hanging out with them, just like you. But over the past couple of weeks, things had changed. You’d noticed the way Chris started talking about her more—how he’d smile a little brighter when her name came up, how he’d mention things they’d done together, and how his eyes would light up when he talked about her, in a way that he’d never looked at you.

It was a gradual shift, but one you couldn’t ignore.

It started small at first. The way he talked about her. A girl whose name I had never needed to remember before, but suddenly, it was everywhere. Her laugh, her texts lighting up his phone, the way his eyes sparkled when he mentioned her. And then I saw it—the way he looked at her, and it shattered me.

I had spent so long pretending that I was okay just being his friend, but now, I couldn’t pretend anymore. Every time he smiled at her, it felt like a knife to the heart. Every time I saw her name flash on his screen, I wanted to disappear. Because it wasn’t me. It would never be me. And the thought of that—of watching him fall in love with someone who wasn’t me—was unbearable.

So I started pulling away.

At first, Chris didn’t notice. He’d text me, and I’d reply hours later, blaming school or sleep. When he called, I let it ring until it stopped, my fingers hovering over the answer button, aching to hear his voice but knowing it would only hurt. I started making excuses, avoiding plans, choosing solitude over his company.

But Chris wasn’t stupid.

It was a Thursday when everything came to a head. The weather was unusually warm for an early spring evening, the sunlight streaming through the window in Chris’s room as you sat next to him, legs stretched out on the floor. Chris had his headphones on, scrolling through his phone while you were lost in thought. The space between you both felt wider than ever, like something had shifted and you couldn’t put it back.

He was talking, his voice full of energy, but you weren’t really listening. You were too focused on the way his laugh sounded when he mentioned Leah’s name—how much joy seemed to be wrapped in that one syllable.

“Yeah, Leah and I were talking about going to that concert next month,” Chris said, not even noticing the way your heart dropped at the mention of her.

You forced a smile, trying to keep the sadness from showing. “That sounds fun,” you said, trying to keep your voice light. You bit your lip, fighting the tears that were threatening to spill over. It was becoming harder and harder to control them.

Chris pulled his headphones off and turned to you, his eyes narrowing in concern. “You sure you’re alright?” he asked, his voice softening. He reached out to touch your arm, and his touch made your heart race for all the wrong reasons.

“I’m fine,” you whispered, your throat tight. You didn’t know how to explain it to him—not without feeling like a fool. How could you tell him that you were in love with him, that every moment with him was a reminder of what you could never have?

This was just the beginning of the interrogations

“Okay, what the hell is going on with you?” he asked one evening, barging into my room without warning, his blue eyes sharp with concern.

I sat frozen on my bed, my laptop open in front of me, though I hadn’t typed a single word in the past hour. My heart slammed against my ribs. “What?”

“Don’t play dumb, dude. You’ve been weird. Distant. You barely talk to me anymore.” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “Did I do something?”

Yes, I wanted to scream. You fell for someone else. And you didn’t even notice it was breaking me.

But instead, I shook my head. “I’m just busy, Chris.”

“Bullshit,” he shot back immediately, crossing his arms. “You’re avoiding me.”

I swallowed hard, looking anywhere but at him. “I’m not.”

He sighed, stepping closer, his voice softer this time. “Then why won’t you look at me?”

Tears burned at the back of my eyes. I clenched my fists, willing myself to keep it together, but it was useless. The pain, the jealousy, the heartbreak—it was all bubbling to the surface too fast for me to stop it.

“Chris,” I whispered, my voice trembling. “Please just drop it.”

“No,” he said firmly. “I won’t. Because you’re hurting, and I don’t know why.” He hesitated, searching my face. “Is it something I did?”

The lump in my throat grew, and before I could stop myself, a single tear slipped down my cheek. “You didn’t do anything.”

Chris’s face fell, his expression crumbling as he reached for me instinctively. “Then why are you crying?”

He leaned in closer, his warm blue eyes locking with yours, and you could feel the weight of his gaze. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

He froze, and you felt his hand gently tug at your chin, pulling your face back toward him. His eyes were wide with concern, his usual teasing expression replaced by one of deep, genuine worry.

The words hung in the air, and for a moment, everything felt too heavy. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest, and the vulnerability you’d been hiding for so long threatened to break free. You looked at him, his face so close to yours, his genuine concern written all over his features, and it hit you like a wave.

And just like that, the dam broke.

I sucked in a shaky breath, my entire body trembling. “Because I can’t do this anymore,” I admitted, my voice cracking. “I can’t keep pretending like it doesn’t kill me to see you with her. I can’t keep acting like I don’t care when you talk about her, when you smile at her, when you—” I broke off, covering my face with my hands. “God, I’m so stupid.”

Chris stood frozen, his breath catching. “Wait,” he said slowly. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

I let out a bitter laugh, wiping at my tears. “I’m saying I love you, Chris. I have for a long time. And I never told you because I was terrified of ruining this—ruining us. But now, it doesn’t even matter, does it?” My voice cracked on the last words, my heart breaking all over again. “Because you’ve already found someone else.”

Chris’s expression shifted, his brows furrowing deeply. “Wait—what?” His voice cracked slightly, the shock evident on his face. He pulled you closer, his hands gently cradling your face. “You... you’re in love with me?”

The words felt like a breath of fresh air—like a confession you had kept locked away in the deepest part of your heart. But even as you said it, you weren’t sure what would happen next. Would he push you away? Would he laugh? Or would he... understand?

Silence.

My chest heaved, the room spinning around me. I didn’t know what I expected—maybe for him to let me down gently, to tell me he was flattered but his heart was elsewhere. Maybe even for him to walk away. But I didn’t expect what happened next.

Chris stepped forward, closing the distance between us. His hands cupped my face, forcing me to meet his gaze. His thumbs brushed away my tears, his touch so unbearably gentle it made my breath hitch.

“I—I’m sorry,” you stammered, wiping at your eyes, trying to suppress the tears. “I never wanted to say it. I didn’t want to ruin things between us.”

Chris was silent for a moment, his brow furrowing as he stood up slowly. He walked over to you and gently took your phone from your hand, placing it on the coffee table. His touch was light, his hand brushing against your fingers in a way that sent warmth rushing through you.

“Hey,” he said softly, kneeling in front of you so you were eye-level. “You don’t have to apologize for your feelings. It’s okay to feel what you feel.”

But you couldn’t stop the tears. They came in waves now, the floodgates opening. “I just thought… I thought I was fine,” you whispered through the sobs. “I thought I could handle it. But seeing you with her, seeing you get so close to her, it just—it hurts so much. I… I don’t know how to be around you anymore.”

Chris’s expression shifted from concern to something deeper—something you couldn’t quite place. He gently cupped your face in his hands, wiping away the tears with his thumbs. His eyes were intense, a mix of confusion and something else—something you couldn’t decipher.

“You’re an idiot,” he whispered, shaking his head.

“You think I don’t feel it too?” he murmured, his voice rough. He gently pulled you into his arms, holding you close, his warmth enveloping you. “I’ve been trying to figure this out, too, you know.”

I opened my mouth to protest, to explain how I had felt so invisible, so forgotten. But his next words stopped me.

“I’ve been in love with you for so long, I’m pretty sure it’s written all over my face,” he said, his voice raw, unguarded. “But I never said anything because I thought you didn’t feel the same way. I didn’t want to mess everything up. But the truth is... I can’t stand seeing you hurt. I can’t stand the idea of losing you. I need you, and I always have.” Chris’s hands gently ran up and down your back, the touch comforting yet charged with emotion.

My breath caught in my throat, my heart hammering against my chest as his words sank in. I blinked rapidly, trying to process them, to keep my composure, but it was like everything inside me finally cracked open. All the years of pretending, of burying my feelings beneath layers of friendship and doubt, had been in vain. Chris—Chris felt the same way.

“You... love me?” I whispered, still not quite believing it, my voice trembling as I searched his face for any sign of doubt. But there was none. His gaze was steady, unwavering.

“I love you,” he said, more firmly this time. “Always have. Always will.”

The realization hit you then, like a weight lifting from your chest. He had been feeling the same way all along, hiding his feelings just as much as you had.

Without thinking, you pulled back slightly, looking up into his eyes, and that was when everything seemed to come together. The pain, the confusion, the years of silence... it all fell away. The only thing that mattered now was the connection between you two.

“Chris... I’m scared,” you whispered, your hands shaking slightly as you cupped his face.

He smiled softly, that familiar, reassuring grin that made your heart race. “I know,” he murmured, brushing your hair out of your face. “But we’ll figure it out. Together.”

My chest swelled with something I couldn’t quite name—relief, hope, joy—until it all broke free in a rush of emotion. Without thinking, I stepped forward, closing the distance between us. My hands found his chest, pressing against the solid warmth of him, and before I could stop myself, I was kissing him—softly, tentatively at first, as though testing the waters after a lifetime of waiting.

The moment our lips met, everything else faded into the background. At first, it was slow—tentative. His lips were soft against mine, his breath warm and steady. I could feel the tension in his body, like he was testing the waters, unsure if this was real. And then, just like that, it deepened. Chris’s hand slid to my waist, pulling me in closer, until there was no space left between us. His touch was gentle but firm, like he needed me, like he was afraid to let go. His lips moved against mine with a tenderness that made my heart flutter, each kiss a promise, each one a reassurance that this moment was more than just a fleeting desire.

I melted into him, my fingers finding their way to his chest, lightly gripping the fabric of his shirt. His heart was racing beneath my touch, mirroring mine. The kiss grew more urgent, but there was still a sweetness to it, a softness that made everything feel like it was happening in slow motion, like we had all the time in the world. His lips were warm and sure, coaxing mine to respond, to give in, and I did, losing myself in the sensation of him, in the feeling of finally being close to the one person I had secretly longed for.

But eventually, I had to pull away, gasping for air. The intensity of the kiss left me breathless, my body trembling from the closeness of it. I couldn’t think, couldn’t process anything beyond the overwhelming feeling of his lips on mine, of the warmth of his touch.

I pulled back just enough to catch my breath, my chest heaving as I looked up at him. His eyes were still closed, as if he were trying to hold onto the moment just a little longer. But when he opened them, he locked his gaze with mine, and in that moment, I saw something in his eyes I hadn’t expected—something so tender, so vulnerable.

He reached for me almost immediately, his hands gentle as he cupped my face, pulling me back toward him. His lips found mine again, but this time, it was softer—gentler. He kissed me with a tenderness that spoke volumes, as if he needed me as much as I needed him, and as if he had been waiting for this moment just as long as I had. His touch was no longer desperate, but filled with a quiet longing, a reassurance that we were in this together, that we had both found something we couldn’t bear to let go of.

His breath mingled with mine, warm and slow, as his forehead rested gently against mine. His hands moved to my back, holding me close, as if he never wanted to let me go. I could feel the warmth of his chest against mine, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat under my fingertips, and it was like everything in the world had finally fallen into place.

“I’ve been wanting this for so long,” Chris whispered, his voice soft, almost a little shaky. “You’re everything to me, you know that?”

I nodded, my heart swelling with emotions I couldn’t quite put into words. The love in his voice, the way he held me like I was fragile, like I was something precious—it was everything I’d ever wanted. He gently brushed a strand of hair from my face, his fingers lingering against my skin for a moment longer than necessary, as if he was memorizing the feel of me, like he never wanted to forget this moment.

“Don’t pull away,” he whispered again, his voice thick with emotion. His eyes searched mine, the intensity in them soft but unwavering. “I need you here. With me. Always.”

I looked into his eyes, feeling the sincerity in his words, the depth of his feelings for me. His hands were still on my waist, holding me close but with a softness that made me feel safe, cherished.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I whispered back, my voice a little shaky as I cupped his cheek, running my thumb across the stubble that had started to form there. “I’m right here.”

And with that, he kissed me again, slowly this time—more like a promise than a question. His lips were gentle against mine, like he was savoring the moment, making sure we were both fully present in it. There was no rush, no urgency, just the quiet certainty that we were exactly where we were meant to be. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me even closer, and I let myself get lost in him, in the feeling of finally being with the person I had loved for so long.

When we finally pulled away again, I could see the faintest smile tugging at his lips, and I knew that whatever came next, we would face it together. His hands gently cradled my face, and I could feel the tenderness in every touch, every look. He wasn’t just kissing me; he was showing me that he needed me, that he loved me, in a way that words couldn’t fully express.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I'm sorry if this feels a bit rushed – it's because, well, it kind of is. This was a requested piece, and I apologize it's not a full-length fic, but I really hope you still enjoy it! Things have been pretty busy on my end, but I'm hoping to dive into future requests with more plot and depth. Thanks again for your patience and support!

tags - @swagalicious260 @watercolorskyy @coquettechris @lovesturni0l0s @christmastreecake @ellbowmacaroni @blog-luvdance @sophand4n4 @meg4-matt44 @mommymomm @chriss-slutt @humpster35 @courta13 @idkwhatthisis2009 @yourfavoritefangirl @slutformatt17 @watercolorskyy @mylifeisevenstranger @suyqa @junnniiieee07 @thecrawlys

╰┈➤𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒍𝒚, 𝒉𝒊𝒗𝒊

[gyubakeries]

𝗴𝗹𝗶𝗺𝗽𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘂𝘀 | k.mg

a/n: trust mingyu to do something and completely throw my world off-kilter. i cried after listening to the cover because the song is that meaningful to me. mingyu if i ever meet you i will hug you. and cry. also, thank you skye ( @etherealyoungk ) for entertaining all my ramblings abt this fic <3 shoutout to kae ( @ylangelegy ) because i finished this just to torture u 🙂‍↕️

a BIGGGG thank you to cori ( @seoloquent ), ally ( @lovetaroandtaemin ), lou ( @tusswrites ), rae ( @nerdycheol ) and lexi ( @heechwe ) for beta-reading!! u guys helped me bring the fic together 🫂 ally ( @lovetaroandtaemin ) made this beautiful banner for this fic too!! thank u so much ally <33

and without further ado, glimpse of us gyu!

🏆 this fic is part of the angst olympics collab! check out the main masterlist here <3

word count: 8.1k contents: mingyu x f!reader , photographer!mingyu , heavy angst as u can tell , post break-up , grief , drinking , implied sexual content but nothing in detail , the tragic nature of relationships that crash and burn , mingyu is lowkey an ass , but he's making up for it , the narrative switches between the past and present , flashbacks are in italics , happy ending

it's all wrong.

when mingyu wakes up, a white ceiling presses down on him, the scent of oranges suffocates him, and skin that is brushing against his isn't warm.

he feels uneasy, his skin prickling at all these foreign sensations.

it's all wrong.

he should have been looking up at tattered glow-in-the-dark stickers on a pale blue ceiling. he should have been in the embrace of sweet roses that always managed to make him feel at home. he should have been touching skin that keeps him warm through the coldest winter nights.

he should have done a lot of other things too.

he didn't.

—

"y/n, i know you're in there," comes your best friend's voice. he's teetering on the edge of exasperation, but you can only laugh to yourself.

it's a pathetic sound, and you can only think of when it used to be much happier.

"you better be decent," seungkwan warns, before he's punching in the code to your apartment and letting himself in. the stench of alcohol hits him first, and then his eyes land on you—slumped against the couch, hand clutching an empty bottle of alcohol, and a hazy look in your red-rimmed eyes.

"you promised you wouldn't do this to yourself anymore," seungkwan whispers, biting back all the nagging and scolding when he sees your blank, regretful smile.

"promises aren't a real concept anymore, kwan," you croak out, voice hoarse from all the crying. "they're never real."

you repeat the words like a mantra, sometimes in your head, and sometimes out loud. seungkwan bites his tongue to stop himself from crying in front of you as he helps you get off the floor, drink some water, and sleep in your bed.

"i'll stay the night," seungkwan tells you, already pulling out the air mattress he bought for himself ever since you started drinking to the brink of alcohol poisoning. "tell me if you need anything."

him, you think. i need him. kim mingyu. he's all i’ve ever needed.

seungkwan can read your mind, and he stays silent after that.

you fall asleep without saying anything, and old glow-in-the-dark stars and real laughter haunt your dreams again.

—

it was the most beautiful thing you'd experienced in your life before it became the ugliest.

kim mingyu entered your life like a tornado when he crashed into your car on a sunday morning, four years ago. he left you with a wrecked rear bumper, a rapidly beating heart, his number scrawled across your palm, and a promise of taking you out on a date.

you forgot about the rear bumper quickly after that, and texted the number the second mingyu walked out of the car repair shop.

. . .

you (11:30 a.m.) :

ill be waiting on that date, kim mingyu

mingyu (11:31 a.m.) :

lets go grab brunch together

im still standing right outside

you (11:32 a.m.) :

see you there :)

. . .

it was no surprise that you fell for him as fast as you did.

it was difficult not to. especially when mingyu was the man of your dreams.

he'd hold your hand for every second of your dates, even after you told him your palms get sweaty. he'd remember all the tiny little details about you that only your best friend would know. he'd know exactly what food you dislike, and would never order it for himself either.

mingyu quickly fell for you too.

with every meal at random restaurants. with every movie night spent cuddling under a single blanket. with every touch of your hand, with every press of your lips, with every second he spends with you, he fell.

it took two months after the car crash for mingyu to ask you to be his girlfriend.

when you met seungkwan for your regular catch-up session, you told him about mingyu.

"he's perfect, seungkwan," you sighed dreamily. "i think he's the one."

seungkwan loves it when you're happy, but he hated that you were so blind in your love for mingyu to give all of yourself to him so quickly.

he gave you a silent smile. maybe, just maybe, if you'd taken a moment to reconsider taking things at a slower pace with mingyu, if you hadn't been so swept up in his charming eyes or your strong attraction to him, you would've read the look in seungkwan's eyes.

the look of caution.

—

it's the same look seungkwan is giving you now, as you down your fourth shot of.... something.

"slow down?" you tilt your head, the word feeling unfamiliar on your tongue. "when have i ever taken things slow?"

the night ends the way it ends every other time; seungkwan has to drag you back to your apartment, make sure you don't trip on the unopened boxes of furniture, give you water, and then sleep on the air mattress placed permanently next to your bed.

the next morning starts the way it usually does; you throw your guts up the second your eyes open, and all the wounds the alcohol helped close for you open up once again.

—

back then, despite all of seungkwan's kind warnings, you ignored him. you knew you loved mingyu, and mingyu loved you back. seungkwan never brought up the topic again. he convinced himself that you were an adult, and you knew what you were doing.

for the two years of happiness you spent with mingyu, you thought the same.

it was one of those whirlwind romances people see in the movies.

in month three of your relationship, you shared pieces of your heart with mingyu that you've never shared with other people. you'd fallen in deep.

in month five, you both said i love you to each other. some say it's too soon, but you could only think of how it wasn't soon enough. you fell in deeper.

by month eight, you moved in with him. mingyu started coming home to you cooking him dinner. you'd spend the night washing dishes and then slow dancing in the living room with all the lights turned down low. the two of you kept falling, hurtling downwards rapidly, without any care for when the end might come.

after a year with mingyu, you were already hearing wedding bells and looking up wedding dresses on pinterest.

it's too soon. it's too fast. slow down.

a seungkwan-like voice kept nagging you from the back of your head, but you tuned it out.

what mingyu and you have is true love. true love doesn't need to be taken slow.

—

he's at the club. there's a girl hanging off his arm, her hand splayed across his chest, and the strong scent of lavender makes him want to throw up.

for a second, mingyu almost says, i have a girlfriend, please leave.

but he realises that he doesn't. not anymore.

mingyu forces himself to look at the girl who's been chatting his ear off for an hour, and he feels sick to his stomach when he realises that she isn't you.

no one will ever be you.

still, mingyu finds himself pressed up against her on the dance floor. still, he lets her take him back to her apartment. still, he finds himself touching her.

and still, it's your face, your body, your voice, your presence that haunts him.

mingyu would give up all his senses if it meant that he wouldn't have the image of you burned into the back of his eyelids every time he closes them.

(mingyu’s also a liar, because giving up his senses means giving up the only way he'd be able to see you, now that you've left his life for good.)

—

"will you marry me?" mingyu asks, and the question knocks the air out of your lungs. you're tangled up under the sheets, mingyu's arm draped on your waist, and your leg swung across his hip.

"you're kidding me, right?" you laugh, going back to drawing random patterns on mingyu's skin.

mingyu wordlessly turns around, and you miss the absence of his touch for all of three seconds. you hear him rummaging through the drawer of the bedside table, and for a moment, mingyu's words feel real.

the realization sets in when mingyu turns back to you, a blue velvet box in his hands.

"open it up," he tells you, and with trembling hands, you take the box and open it.

inside, there's a beautiful diamond ring, and your breath hitches in your throat.

"mingyu-"

"i love you, y/n," he cuts you off, and you hear his voice go raspy and high like it does whenever he's on the verge of tears. "you're the only person i've ever felt this strongly for. i know that we've been together only for two years, and people might call me foolish for rushing into things so quickly, but i'm sure of this. this is—you are—all i've ever wanted.."

you feel mingyu shift in bed next to you, and you turn to see him sitting up. he takes your hands in his and pulls you up to sit next to him. he doesn't let go as he takes the ring out from the box and holds it in front of your ring finger.

"i've never been more serious about anything before, so don't think this is just a heat-of-the-moment thing," mingyu says, nervousness seeping into his tone. "y/n, will you marry me?"

think about it. it's only been two years. this is an important decision. take it sl-

"yes."

"yes?" mingyu asks in disbelief.

"yes, mingyu," you nod, tears flooding your eyes. "i will marry you."

the feeling of mingyu slipping the ring onto your finger, the feeling of mingyu pulling you in for a passionate kiss, the feeling of both your hearts intertwining because of this new shift in your relationship outweighs and drowns out the voice of caution in your head.

take it slow.

but it feels so right.

—

"seungkwan, you said you had a friend who asked for my number, right?"

it was a random thursday evening, and seungkwan was at your place, helping you clear out all the boxes in your living room from your shift to a new apartment.

"yeah, his name is wonwoo," seungkwan nods, looking at you with curiosity. "why do you wanna know?"

"you can give him my number," you say, eyes not meeting seungkwan's inquisitive gaze.

"y/n, are you sure?" seungkwan asks, standing up from his corner to go sit next to you. "it's only been five months-"

"you told me i should be moving on, right?" you cut him off. "that's what i'm doing."

"that quickly?" seungkwan questions. "y/n, i know you, so you don't have to pretend to be okay. you guys were engaged, and you expect me to believe that you're ready to see other people? it's not fair to you or wonwoo."

"i know what i'm doing," you sigh. "but fine, if you won't set me up with wonwoo, i can just go find another date. it's not that big of a deal-"

"you still love him," seungkwan states firmly.

you ignore him and continue talking. "i can't just mope around and sulk forever. i need to-"

"you're still in love with kim mingyu, don't even try to deny it, y/n," seungkwan stops you again. "i'm your best friend, and i can see it in your eyes. "

your shoulders droop, and you look at a picture frame you picked up from one of the boxes.

a girl was sitting next to a large window, an oversized hoodie draped over her figure. her face was turned away from the camera, and her long hair fell down her shoulders in messy waves.

it was just a picture, but anyone looking at it would feel warmth, and love. when you looked at it, the feelings once associated with it had gone cold a long time back.

your hands run through your hair, now cut short and barely reaching past your shoulders, and you toss the picture frame into the box labelled 'waste'.

—

click!

you whip your head around to see mingyu crouched on the floor, camera held up to his face, and the lens directed at you.

"gyu! my hair probably looks like a bird's nest now," you whine, realizing that he had taken a picture of you. you get up from the windowsill you were sitting on and go over to your boyfriend.

wanting a peek at his sneaky picture, you grab at his arms to steal a glance at his camera, but your attempts fail as he swiftly dodges all of your attacks. with his long arms, he's able to set the camera out of your reach. however, before you can protest, he picks you up in his arms and kisses you softly.

"good morning, love," he whispers against your lips, and you wrap your arms around his neck tighter.

"i wish you didn't have to go," you mumble, pressing kisses to all of mingyu's face.

"i'll be back before you know it," he assures you with a hint of sincerity in his eyes.

mingyu was leaving for a three-month photography tour he had been invited to. it was an important milestone for him, because it meant that he was finally getting acknowledged in the industry. and as his girlfriend, no, fiancée, you obviously had to support him.

but it didn't mean that you were going to miss him any less.

"you need to text me at least thrice a day, send me loads of pictures, and facetime whenever you're free, got it?" you remind him, and he laughs.

"what if you're asleep when i facetime you?"

"i'll wake up to talk to you," you nod resolutely. "i expect daily updates, kim mingyu."

"yes ma'am," he salutes, and you laugh too.

soon, it's time for mingyu to get into a cab that will take him to the airport, and all you can do is wave goodbye and kiss him deeply before he steps into the car.

"i love you," he tells you, and you mouth the words back to him as the window of the car rolls up.

the cab drives away, and you're left standing on the sidewalk, still wearing mingyu's hoodie.

the first two weeks pass smoothly, with mingyu's incessant texts and calls. aside from the fact that you were sleeping alone in your shared bed, and there wasn't anyone to have your meals with, it almost felt like mingyu had never left.

you get a package at the start of week three. it's from mingyu, and upon opening it, you see that it's a framed picture.

the photograph is black and white, and you recognize it as the picture he had secretly taken of you the morning he left.

a note in the package reads:

'this city is beautiful, but i miss the beauty of having you by my side the most. just a couple more months, and i'll be back. with love, mingyu.'

just two more months, you tell yourself, clutching the frame to your chest.

little did you know, two months was more than enough time for your relationship to come falling apart.

castles made out of sand don't last for long, after all; all it takes is one wave for it to be swept off.

—

"can i get another one of these?" you ask the bartender, gesturing to your empty glass, and he nods. you slump up against the bar again, the events of the evening replaying in your head.

you had finally gone out on a date with a guy from work. he had shown interest in you for a long time, but back then, you had a ring on your finger and the vague promise of a wedding looming over your head.

now, however, you were free to date whomever you wanted.

(if freedom meant living without the one person who your heart longs for the most, you wish you could give it up.)

the date had been a disaster.

the entire time, while the guy kept talking about his interests and his dog, all you could see in front of you was tan skin, pointy canines, a mole decorating the tip of the nose, and the warm smile you loved so dearly.

all you could see was mingyu.

no matter how much you tried, you couldn't get him out of your head. it got to the point where your brain tuned the guy out completely, and for a while, your senses stopped working.

all you could feel was mingyu, mingyu, mingyu.

"i have to go," you had choked out apologetically before rushing out of the restaurant and heading to the nearest bar to get shit-faced.

"why am i so pathetic?" you mutter to yourself, a few hours later, in the back of seungkwan's car. "why can't i stop loving him? even after he hurt me?"

"the heart wants what it wants" seungkwan sighs, glancing back at your limp figure in his car.

"you'll be okay, y/n," he tells you, but you're not sure if you ever will.

everywhere you look, all you see is mingyu.

—

by month two of his photography trip, mingyu had stopped texting as frequently, and that's exactly when everything began to fall apart.

your texts went unanswered for hours, and you would get only a few short replies from mingyu over the span of multiple days, so, eventually, you stopped texting him about your day in detail.

he never answered your calls, so, eventually, you stopped calling him whenever you missed him at night.

and then came the next change: mingyu called you, a week before he was set to come back home, only to tell you that the photographer he's idolized all his life wanted mingyu to join him in america for a month.

"it's the opportunity of a lifetime," mingyu said, voice brimming with excitement. "but if you don't want me to-"

"mingyu, you're going to america," you cut him off. "i'm so happy for you, love. and don't worry about me, i'll manage just fine for another month."

"thank god, i expected you to start crying over the phone," mingyu said with a laugh, and it was probably a joke, but the words stung a little more than they should have. "okay, i gotta go. talk to you later?"

"sure, gyu," you replied, trying to tamp down the momentary sadness you felt. "i love y-"

the line went dead before you could finish, and your heart sunk.

mingyu stops saying that he loves you, so, eventually, you stop saying it too.

—

ten months have passed since the breakup, and you're finally getting a hold on yourself. there are some bad days where you can't even get out of bed without crying your eyes out over the absence of him in your life. but on other days, you manage to shower, make yourself breakfast, go to work, and distract yourself from the fact that you're going home to an apartment that feels strange and unfamiliar; a far cry from the coziness of the home you shared with mingyu.

still, you keep pushing through. it's a new beginning, you tell yourself, even though all you want to do is go back to the past.

you tell seungkwan just as much, and all he says in response is, "remind yourself of why you left, y/n. yes, you loved each other, but maybe love isn't always enough."

so, on a particularly bad sunday morning, that marked five years since the day you had first met mingyu, you let yourself remember exactly why you left him.

you don't leave the bed till later that evening, when you have no more tears left to shed, and the scars of past memories have been etched into your skin all over again.

—

five months. it's been five months since mingyu left for his three-month photography trip, and he's set to come home today.

you spent all morning cleaning the house, calling his mother for his favorite recipes, and putting on his favorite dress, just to make everything perfect.

the last text you had sent him had gone unanswered since the previous night, hence you had no idea what time mingyu's flight would land. you wait the entire day for the apartment door to open, but afternoon shifts to evening, fresh food goes stale, and mingyu still isn't home.

it's close to 1 in the morning when you're awoken by another presence in the living room. you had fallen asleep on the couch after eating instant ramen for dinner, but when you open your eyes, all sleep leaves you in an instant.

"mingyu," you whisper, and your fiance sets down his suitcase and bags, opening his arms up for a hug. you rush to him and hug him tightly, burying your face in the crook of his neck, dirty airport clothes be damned.

"i missed you so much," you whisper, and mingyu only responds with a kiss to your shoulder. he pulls back first, and you see the exhaustion written all over his face.

"can we talk in the morning?" he asks, giving you a small smile. "i'm really tired now."

"of course," you nod. mingyu kisses your forehead as a small thank you before leaving to shower. you'd be lying if you said you didn't feel disappointed when he didn't even hold you in your sleep that night.

it's alright, he's just tired, you tell yourself. and that night, you still shiver in the cold bed, even though mingyu is back in it.

—

the talk never happens the next morning. mingyu leaves for a photoshoot right after breakfast, and you haven't even had the chance to kiss him properly ever since he came back home.

the talk never happens at all. you both move past it, as if the last four months of silence and distance hadn't affected your relationship at all.

it was wishful thinking on your part to think that you and mingyu could bounce back from the last four months unscathed. you tried so hard to not to overthink how mingyu wasn't the same anymore.

he'd work longer hours, and when you asked him about his day, he'd just give you short answers. he'd rarely say the words 'i love you' back to you. his smiles stopped reaching his eyes. his body stopped seeking your touch.

it felt like with every passing day, the chasm that had formed between you and mingyu grew wider, and you had no idea how to cross over it.

one year passes after mingyu proposed, and he never even brings up the wedding.

you delete the wedding pinterest board on your phone.

—

it's been a year since the breakup, and you're driving to meet seungkwan for sunday brunch, when a sudden push from the back jostles you, and you hear the loud crunch of metal.

shit.

you're immediately rushing out of the car to assess the situation. your rear bumper has been completely destroyed, and the owner of the car that bumped into yours is already apologizing frantically, when you realize—

"mingyu?" your voice is a strangled thing as you bring your eyes up to look at the man standing in front of you.

he seems just as shocked as you, his face immediately turning pale and his eyes widening almost comically.

"it's- it's you," the words fall from mingyu's lips, and you feel your eyes fill up with tears embarrassingly quickly. you bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from crying in front of your ex, and keep your tone calm and composed as you say, "don't worry about the bumper, i'll take care of it. bye."

you're turning away to get back into the safety of your car to cry your heart out, but mingyu stops you.

"y/n, can we talk? please?" he pleads, and you shut your eyes tightly, not wanting to meet his. you're afraid of what you might do if you look into his eyes again.

"there's nothing to talk about, mingyu," you shake your head. "we- whatever was there between us is over now."

"so we don't have to talk about the fact that you packed your things up, put your ring on the kitchen counter, and left my life? without any explanation?" mingyu presses, and you gather the courage to face him.

you regret your decision to do so, because all you can think about when you look at him is that one day, a year ago, when you decided to leave.

—

it's a random tuesday morning — or maybe it's thursday, you're not sure. ever since your relationship with mingyu started feeling more like a connection shared by strangers rather than lovers, the days seemed to be bleeding together.

mingyu is all over the apartment, his formal shirt untucked and not fully buttoned, socks mismatched, and his movements rushed. he goes into the bedroom to get a tie, then goes into the closet to get his shoes, goes back into the bedroom because he forgot his watch, and the process continues.

you sit on the couch, scrolling through your emails and not paying attention to mingyu. maybe a year ago, you would have joined in on the chaotic mess, but right now, mingyu's groans of frustration are nothing but annoying to you.

"y/n, have you seen my watch? the new one?" mingyu asks, approaching your figure on the couch.

you simply shrug your shoulders, looking up at him for a moment and shaking your head. "you keep telling me not to touch your stuff, so i wouldn't know."

mingyu bristles at your response. "why do you sound so petty? the only reason i told you that is because you misplaced my memory card!"

"it was empty! it wasn't like you lost any of the photos on it," you bite back. "and it was a mistake, mingyu. i'm human.”

mingyu pinches the bridge of his nose, inhaling deeply to calm himself down. "fine, let's forget about that. could you please just tell me where the watch is?"

"i don't know where it is, mingyu," you repeat, going back to your phone.

"well, would it kill you to get off the fucking couch and help me find it?" mingyu snaps. "you know that i have an important event to attend. why are you being so difficult?"

"maybe i don't want to help!" you retort. "you just use me as some personal assistant who makes you meals, does the laundry and makes sure everything is in perfect condition for you. it's like i'm not your fiancée anymore!"

"you know what, i don't have time for this," mingyu fumes. "you're being unreasonable, and i don't know why-"

"you don't have time for me at all, anymore," you scoff. "it's always events, meetings, shoots. you're going ahead in your career but you're leaving me behind."

"that is so selfish of you!" mingyu lashes out. "do you expect me to drop my career and spend all my time with you?"

"i expect you to at least acknowledge my presence, mingyu!" your voice cracks with the weight of the past year suffocating you. "i've always supported your career. i've always wanted the best for you, but you just discarded me to the side! do you know how pathetic it feels?"

mingyu's expression falters, realization flickering in his eyes. "y/n, i didn't- i never wanted you to feel like that, i-"

"i've had enough of your excuses," you stop him. "i've had enough of this mingyu. just- just go attend your event, okay?"

mingyu gulps, the guilt flooding his body. "let's talk when i get home? please, y/n."

you don't give him an answer, and before mingyu can plead again, he gets a call from his assistant, who informs him that he needs to leave as soon as possible.

"i have to leave now, but i'll come back and we'll sort this out, yeah?" mingyu tells you, having calmed down significantly. "i'll see you later, y/n. i- i love you."

the last three words are like a knife twisting in your gut. you can only watch as mingyu hastily finishes getting ready and leaves the house. the second the door shuts behind him, you go into the bedroom and start packing all your clothes and shoes into suitcases.

you stuff in some other important things, like documents, pictures, jewellery, everything you brought with you when you moved into mingyu's house.

you leave behind the pink fuzzy slippers that had a matching blue pair. you leave behind the ugly paper mache statue you made with him. you leave behind the matching 'his' and 'hers' mugs you both drank coffee from.

you leave behind the engagement ring on the kitchen counter.

you walk out the door in two hours, both your ring finger and heart empty.

—

you snap back into the present, where mingyu's frame is still towering over you.

"i thought that argument was all the explanation you needed," you mutter indifferently, trying to tamp down the tears that were trying to escape.

"it wasn't, y/n. it just left me confused and-"

"then imagine how i felt," you let out a dry laugh. "imagine how i felt when you came back home from your photography trip and didn't say a word about all the missed calls and unanswered texts. when you never brought up our wedding and kept me waiting for some shitty happy ending i wanted with you. you left me in the dark, like i was nothing but some old childhood toy you shoved away in the attic to collect dust."

"that trip changed a lot of things for me too, y/n,” mingyu shoots back. “i was reaching the peak of my career, and it kept making me question whether i was ready to settle down then. i was scared and confused because i had never felt for someone the way i felt for you, but i also wasn’t sure if us getting married that quickly was going to be a good choice.”

"why didn’t you think about all this before you proposed?" you argue. "and why did you never talk to me about any of this? we would’ve figured out something that worked for the both of us."

"y/n, i-"

the loud honk of a car behind the both of you interrupted mingyu, and you take that as a cue to leave the conversation.

"look, we're past all the excuses now," you look away from mingyu. "what we had is in the past, and we both need to move on."

"i can't," mingyu says, and those two words knock the breath out of your lungs. you turn around to look at him again, hoping to find some ounce of a lie in his words, but the look in his eyes says it all.

he isn't lying.

"i've tried moving on, y/n. i've tried to forget you but it never works. i've tried so hard, but no one is you. i'll never love anyone as much as i love you, and that scares me," mingyu chokes out.

the car is still honking, but you can't seem to move from your spot.

"you'll- you'll move on someday," your voice is shaky and barely sounds convincing to even you. you don't know whether your heart is happy or broken at what mingyu just said.

"i know i won't, because what i feel for you is true love," he says with conviction. "y/n, our relationship may have been brief. we may have taken things too fast and fizzled out, but i know my feelings are real."

"how can you say that? we only hurt each other in the end," you shake your head. "it can't be true love if both of us ended up with broken hearts."

"my heart still hurts every day when i wake up and realize you're not there," mingyu sighs. "i still make two cups of coffee, and one goes down the drain because you're not there. i still call out your name when i can't find my goddamn keys, but you're not there. it still hurts so much, even after all this time has passed.'

"and i know i was the one at fault," mingyu continues. "i haven't stopped beating myself up about how stupid i was to ignore you and your needs like that. i wish i had admitted the truth to you, and i regret not doing that every day. god, y/n, i cry myself to sleep every night thinking about our wedding and how i was the one who went and ruined it all."

the tears finally spill, and by now the car has already turned around to take another route. your chest heaves with how much you're crying, and you realize that you should’ve reached out to mingyu too.

you waited and waited for mingyu to say something, but you never said anything either. you pretended that everything was okay when it really wasn't. maybe if you'd said something-

"stop, i know what you're doing in there," mingyu breaks your train of thought. "you- don't blame yourself. relationships end and hearts break, but that doesn't mean they don't deserve a second chance."

"mingyu, i- i don't know how i can trust you again," you speak, your voice hoarse. "you said it yourself. we- we crashed and burned. we hurt each other with our love, and i can't go through that heartbreak again."

"let me earn it back," mingyu pleads. "let me make up for my mistakes, y/n. i'd die regretting losing you without having a chance to tell you how sorry i am for doing that to you."

there's two voices in you.

one tells you to let down your walls and let mingyu in again.

the other one curls up in your lungs and it tastes like the bitter alcohol you drank almost every night to forget mingyu. it tells you that you're going to get your heart broken again.

a third voice breaks through the noise, and it's mingyu.

"please, y/n. let me make things right," his voice has dropped to a whisper, and the conflict in your mind stops.

"i'll consider it, if you pay to get the rear bumper fixed."

—

"what if we break up some day?" you ask mingyu when he brings up plans of growing old with you in the countryside of france.

"we've been dating for a year and you're already thinking of breaking up with me?" mingyu gasps, which makes you giggle. "i'm hurt, babe. i'd never do that to you."

"but what if you did? or if i hurt you?" you ask, the question not wanting to leave your mind. "everyone tells us we're going too fast. that we're going to crash. what happens then?"

mingyu exhales deeply before turning to face you. he cups your face with his hands and looks deep into your eyes.

"even if we end up crashing, even if we end up leaving each other, i promise to find you again," he says sincerely. "if it's my fault, i'll apologize till my last breath, till i know that you've forgiven me. and if it's your fault, well — as long as you show up in my life again, i'll forgive you."

"that's not fair to you," you laugh. "you shouldn't let me off the hook that easily."

"to be honest, i would," mingyu disagrees. "because i know that staying away from you would kill me. if you ever decide to come back into my life, i'll welcome you with open arms. i'd rather be hurt with you by my side than die a slow death without you."

"you're so sappy," you roll your eyes. "i hope you know that i won't forgive you that easily."

"i told you, i'd spend all my life making it up to you if i ever hurt you," he vows. "what we have is true love, y/n. it only comes around once. i'll be damned if i ever lose you."

in that moment, you hadn't thought much about mingyu's words. but little did you know, that somewhere down the line, mingyu would really keep his promise to win your trust back.

—

it's been eight months since mingyu crashed into your life all over again, and this time around, you've really taken things slow.

he's still working on gaining your trust back, which you appreciate, because it assures you that he truly means his apology and that he's here to stay.

this time around, you feel hopeful. maybe, if your heart heals, you'll try again. you love him too much not to at least try once more.

on a tuesday evening, just as you reach home from work, you get a text.

. . .

mingyu (7:15 p.m.) :

you free friday evening?

you (7:37 p.m.) :

yeah i am

why?

mingyu (7:38 p.m.) :

i have an exhibition for my photos on that day

it wouldnt feel right without you there

you (7:50 p.m.) :

i'll be there

mingyu (7:51 p.m.) :

thank you :)

. . .

—

the exhibition gallery is packed with people as you walk into it on friday evening. you feel a little overdressed in your wine red, knee-length dress amidst a crowd of people wearing sweatshirts and jeans.

still, you walk forward confidently, you find yourself getting captivated by the sheer magnitude of the exhibition.

there's large displays of streets in different cities bathed in the warm light of the moon, birds soaring in the sky, random people going about their daily lives, and so many small, unseen moments that mingyu always had the knack for capturing.

the composition of all the photographs makes you stare at them in awe. mingyu is extremely observant, which allows him to focus on the finer details others would skip over. paired with meticulous editing, the final photographs are nothing short of stunning.

you spend a lot of time with each frame, reading the captions mingyu has penned down for each of them. you're so engrossed in each picture that you don't even realize that the crowd in the gallery has come to a stop in front of one particular frame.

you try your best to crane your neck to catch a glimpse of the photo, but to no avail. finally, when some of the crowd clears out, you move closer, and then the world stops.

it's the picture you tried to throw out but ended up keeping it on your nightstand. it's the picture you had received in a package from mingyu when he was away.

it was the last picture he had taken of you.

tears pool in your eyes rather quickly, and you walk closer to the picture of you displayed on the wall. it's huge in size, bigger than all the photos, as if this is the one mingyu wanted everyone to see. the one mingyu loved the most.

and it's titled — her.

'the last photo of this exhibit is a picture i clicked of my muse. before her, photography never had an end goal for me. all i did was click pictures of whatever i saw. after her, i began looking for pieces of her in every sight i took in. i tried to capture the warmth of her smile, depth of her love, glow of her presence, and the special feeling she stirs in me. everywhere i go, i find a glimpse of her, and every picture i take till my last breath, she will be the inspiration behind it.'

there's the sound of a mic coming to life, and you whirl around to see a tall figure standing on stage.

he's dressed in a pressed black shirt and slacks, the sleeves rolled up, hair parted to perfection, and posture confident.

but only you can find a glimpse of fear in his eyes.

it melts away when they meet yours.

"good evening everyone, my name is kim mingyu, and i would like to thank all of you for attending my exhibition," he speaks into the mic, and the crowd bursts into loud applause.

"as you all know, photography is not only my career, but my passion. it's what i live for. last year, however, was a rough patch for me. i lost all interest in photography. i hadn't touched my camera in months. it was like the colors of the world had faded away," his voice, although confident, sounds a bit shaky. his eyes are still locked onto yours, almost as if every word’s meant only for you.

"people told me that it was normal to feel that way. maybe it was burnout, or maybe the reality that photography was just a hobby. but, only i knew the real reason all along. all artists have a muse, without which it becomes difficult to breathe life into their art. i too have a muse. she is the reason i'm here today and able to show you what i've done."

"last year, i went into a slump because she left my life. it was my fault; i was too caught up in the lens of my camera to notice that i was hurting her," mingyu's voice is strained and raspy, and you know that tone all too well. sure enough, his eyes are glassy with unshed tears, but he powers on.

"for that one year without her, i lost all my drive and creativity. i couldn't look for the details in nature because my vision felt blurry. it felt like she had taken a part of me with her when she left. by some stroke of luck, i found her again. and this may sound cliche, but, the second i saw her, it felt like the world existed in technicolor again."

"she's here tonight, even though i don't deserve it, even after everything i put her through, and this time, i want to show her that i've changed. that i don't care about all these pictures, not if i don't see her in them. that one day, if she'll ever forgive me, if she'll ever give me another chance, i won't let her down."

you're sure that your makeup is ruined by how much you're crying, and there's a few tears streaming down mingyu's face too. the crowd is muttering sadly, wondering who the girl could be, but no one in that room will ever know that it's you.

"my muse, this exhibition is my whole heart, and tonight, i give it to you. you can take your time to accept it, i'd wait a lifetime for you anyway. and to everyone who attended, thank you once again."

as mingyu steps off the stage, you can only hope he doesn’t notice you slipping out of the gallery and into the cold night.

—

when you hear the door to the terrace you snuck into open, you think that it’s a security guard telling you the location is off-limits.

you turn around to apologize, but your breath catches in your throat when you see mingyu standing there, tear tracks similar to yours glistening under the pale moonlight.

“mingyu, i-”

“i thought you left,” he chokes out, and your heart squeezes uncomfortably. “you were there the entire time i was speaking, but then you were gone, and i thought that it was done for good. i thought it was the last time i’d see you, and i felt so scared.”

you can see how his chest is heaving, and his shoulders are lined with tension. there’s this urge in you to close the gap between you two so that you can take that stress away.

“i’m sorry, i should’ve told you before i left,” you gulp nervously. “i just- i needed some air.”

“i’m sorry too, for springing all that on you,” mingyu says. “i just had to tell you everything, even if you wouldn’t forgive me at the end of it all.”

“did you mean everything you said tonight?” your voice is quiet, almost as if you're hoping mingyu won't hear you and your words will disappear into the air.

“of course i did,” mingyu replies without skipping a beat. “everything i did before you and after you has no meaning, because you weren't there. our love was what inspired me the most. it's the truth, y/n.”

you take a moment to process his words, letting the weight of them fully land on you. seeing you go silent, mingyu steps forward, his eyes searching yours.

“if i- if i asked for you to forgive me, for you to give me a second chance, would you say yes?”

you already know the answer, but you bite your tongue to stop yourself from blurting it out. you pretend to think about it, as if mingyu can't read your expression. 

“i never stopped loving you,” is what you say. “even when we weren't talking for a whole year after the photography trip. even after we broke up. even now, after you came back into my life. i've never stopped loving you, mingyu, but you're still the person who broke my heart.”

you can sense mingyu about to apologize again, so you bring your hand up to stop him.

“you're the one who broke my heart, but you're also the one my heart wants. the only one,” letting these words out makes the burden on your shoulders feel lighter, but the tension of the moment still remains heavy. “and that's what scares me. because even if you break my heart again, i'll still love you. i don't think i know how not to.”

“i won't, y/n,” mingyu shakes his head. “i won't make that mistake again. i just want to earn your trust again and show you that i'll be better to you. we can take it slow and figure things out, but-”

“fuck taking things slow,” you cut him off. at some point during the whole conversation, your bodies have gravitated towards each other, and mingyu is close enough for you to reach out and cover his mouth with a hand.

“it doesn't matter if we go slow or fast, i just want you,” you tell him, looking into his eyes so he knows that you're speaking the truth. “i want us to work out this time.”

mingyu's eyes widen with surprise, and he gingerly lifts your hand off his mouth.

“do you really mean that?” his voice trembling.

“i forgave you a long time ago, mingyu,” you let out a laugh, eyes welling up with tears. “i forgave you when you paid for wrecking my rear bumper. again. i just needed time to know that this was real. that we wouldn't crash and burn again. and tonight really sealed it for me. i could see it in your pictures, mingyu. i could see how much love you look at the world with. back then, i thought that your love for photography was more than what you felt for me, but now i know that it's not true.”

“my love for you is what makes me love capturing the world in my lens,” mingyu completes. “i'm sorry i had made you feel otherwise.”

“we're done with the apologies now,” you shake your head. “let's leave the past in the past and start afresh. does that sound good?”

“i guess i'll have to crash your car one more time, then,” mingyu jokes, and you laugh. this time it's a loud, genuine sound; one mingyu had missed hearing. one you had missed hearing.

“maybe let's find a less destructive way?” you giggle, but it quickly turns into a gasp when mingyu cups your face with his hands. 

“as long as it's with you, i don't mind anything,” mingyu says, and then you see it.

a look of sincerity and hope flashing across his face. you know it for sure, because you feel the exact same way.

mingyu's eyes flick down to look at your lips, still hesitating to make a move.

“just kiss me already,” you sigh, and mingyu doesn't waste another second. with one swift movement, he's swooping you in for a kiss. a kiss so soft, yet so deep, it makes you feel like you're floating amongst the stars in the night sky looking down at love blossoming again.

when mingyu pulls away, you're both breathless for a few minutes, the reality of the moment sinking in.

the moment doesn't need any more words or touches. you can see everything you need to know in his eyes, and you hope he can read yours too.

its unmistakable; the glimpse of love that you see in him.

you feel yourself falling all over again, hurtling towards an end that may catch you by surprise, but this time it doesn't feel daunting.

not when you know that mingyu will be there to catch you.

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[strwberri-milk]

Can you please give headcanons on how LAD men would react if MC cry happy tears after sex? Like MC feel so desired so beautiful so loved given she had a dark past I imagine they might panic at first thinking they accidentally hurt her but she assure them she had never felt so happy before

He's freaking out at first, definitely. He's worried that he's hurt you, that he's done something to make you upset with him. In his mind, if he did anything to hurt you you would have said something to him or made it clear that he wasn't making you feel good.

You laugh a little as he wipes away your tears, cooing at you as he tells you to tell him what's wrong. It takes you a bit to get the words out but when you do he sighs in relief, peppering your face in kisses. He holds your face in your hands, reminding you with his gentle touch that to him, you are the most precious thing in the world.

You'd have to tell him that you really are okay. It takes a bit of time to convince him that you aren't lying to him to make him feel better because he really is just worried that he accidentally hurt you. He can be accidentally rough with you after all, so he's always trying to make sure you feel good. The fact that he made you feel so good that it made you cry is also going to boost his ego. He's going to think about this for weeks.

Right now though he pulls you back into his arms, placing your head on his chest. He hums softly as he tells you how much he loves you, reminding you that he adores everything about you and would do anything for you.

[nhlclover]

PUSHING IT DOWN AND PRAYING QUINN HUGHES

pairing: quinn hughes x fem!reader

summary: ever since quinn's confession, the magnetic pull of your ex has lingered in both dreams and waking moments, forcing you to confront emotions you believed were long buried.

warnings: 18+, (not insanely descriptive but) p in v, oral (fem!receiving), cheating (in your head and in person!), kind of toxic behaviour from both you and quinn

wc: 3.54k

notes: based on 'pushing it down and praying' by lizzy mcalpine. technically a part two to my fic last christmas but not necessary to read before this one! this is my first time writing something that actually veers into smut and i kind of liked it 🤫🤭

Quinn was haunting you.

Ever since the holiday party, when he told you he missed you, his presence has plagued your thoughts. You had hoped at first that it was just the encounter that had your mind tangled up in him again. A fluke. An inconvenient memory dredged up by too much wine and the way the Christmas lights had cast a golden glow around his face, making him look as heartbreakingly beautiful as he always had.

But it wasn’t just a one-off. He lingered everywhere. Seeped into everything.

He was in photos your friends reposted on Instagram, him celebrating as he racked up points in what was set to be another Norris-deserving season. You walk down the street and he’s staring down at you from a billboard. Someone at work mentions his name in passing, and you have to grip your coffee cup just a little bit tighter.

Even in the most intimate, protected moments, he’s there.

You’re with Caleb, naked and tangled up in his sheets. His hands and lips take turns tracing patterns down your skin. You close your eyes, tilting your head back against the pillow, and then suddenly, Quinn is there, hovering in the space between your thoughts, intruding like he always does. It’s his hands gripping down on your thighs, it’s his breath that’s hot over your core. It’s his black locks that your fingers thread through, his tongue that pulls you close to completion.

It’s his name that nearly slips past your lips instead of Calebs.

The second you realize, your entire body goes cold with horror. You feel sick. You feel like you’ve betrayed something, even if you’re not sure what.

It should stop there. It should be enough to shake you, to jar you back into the reality of what you have — what you chose. But it doesn’t.

Quinn lingers.

Like a ghost with a vengeance, he refuses to be exorcized from your mind. You try everything to rid yourself of him, desperate to cleanse him from your system like a sickness. You delete his number from your phone. You block him on Instagram. You unfollow the team’s page, stop watching their games, turn off the TV when his name is mentioned. But it doesn’t matter. You still see him in flashes, in the shadows of your everyday life, in the places you least expect him.

You tell yourself that Caleb is enough. He’s stable, he’s kind. He looks at you like you’re his whole world. And yet, no matter how much you try to convince yourself, you can feel the guilt creeping in, poisoning what should be simple, should be easy. Because Caleb doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve a half-present version of you, someone who is always a breath away from slipping into a memory, a ghost of a love that still has its claws in you.

And you do love Caleb. That’s what makes this worse. You love him, but Quinn is in your blood, tangled in your bones. No matter how many times you try to wring him out of you, he stays.

You don’t mean to let him in, but Quinn is relentless. Even when you spend the rest of the night curled in on yourself, forcing your mind onto anything but him, he lingers in the edges of your consciousness, slipping in through the cracks you swore you sealed long ago.

You fall asleep telling yourself you won’t think about him. But the harder you try to push him away, the faster he finds you.

And then suddenly, he’s everywhere.

His hands, broad and warm, map your body, claiming you like he never lost the right. His mouth, hot and sure, drags across your skin, lips brushing over your jaw, your throat, lower. His voice, low and wrecked with want, says your name like it’s the only thing that’s ever mattered.

It feels real. Devastatingly real.

You arch into him, gasping when his fingers dig into your hips, when his body presses you deeper into the mattress. His hips drill into you, overwhelming pleasure wreaking your body. You’re close, so close, his hands adding to the pleasure until finally—

You wake up in a sweat, your heart hammering against your ribs, sheets tangled around your legs like they’re trying to hold you down, keep you from moving, from running from the truth that’s finally caught up to you.

The dream was so vivid it may as well have been real. It wasn’t just a memory, wasn’t just another unwelcome reminder of Quinn’s existence — it was something else entirely. Something new. Something that felt so raw, so visceral, so devastatingly consuming that you could still feel the ghost of his touch on your skin, the heat of his body pressed against yours, the weight of his name thick on your tongue. You swear you can still taste him, still hear the low rasp of his voice murmuring against your ear, still feel the way he held you, worshiped you, and took you apart like he had every right to.

And you wanted it. God, you wanted it so badly.

The realization sits heavy in your stomach like a lead weight, nausea curling at the edges of your consciousness. It’s not just some intrusive thought, not just a fleeting moment of weakness. It’s something deeper, something more dangerous. It’s the kind of desire that threatens to upend everything you’ve built, the kind that makes you question every choice you’ve made since Quinn walked out of your life.

You press the heels of your hands into your eyes, trying to block it all out, trying to push the images away. Caleb is sleeping beside you, blissfully unaware, his breathing slow and steady. He’s good. He’s steady. He’s the kind of love that doesn’t set you on fire, but keeps you warm.

But warmth has never been enough to stop you from craving the burn.

You sit up, legs swinging over the side of the bed, toes curling against the cold wood floor as you try to shake the dream from your mind, but it clings to you like a second skin. You know then, in that moment, that something has to give. Something has to change.

You can’t keep pretending that Quinn isn’t still under your skin, still a part of you. You can’t keep pretending that this is sustainable, that you can shove him into the darkest corners of your mind and expect him to stay there. Because he won’t. He never has.

You take a shaky breath, your fingers curling into the sheets. There are only two choices now. You either find a way to finally, truly exorcize him from your life for good — or you give in to the pull that’s been dragging you back to him since the moment he told you he missed you.

The clock on your side table reads a quarter past midnight. You know Quinn’s habits. You know how they used to contradict yours, the way his mind would keep him up until the early hours of the morning. He’s probably up. He’s probably thinking hockey. Thinking about how he can change, how he can improve, how he can lead better. You wonder if maybe his mind slips from hockey. Maybe it slips to you?

So you do something reckless. Something you swore you wouldn’t do.

You get up. You grab your vest and your keys, not bothering to change into proper clothing. You ignore the tightness in your chest as you slip out of Caleb’s apartment, moving through the cold, empty parking garage like a ghost yourself, drawn by something you don’t understand but can’t resist. Your internal autopilot takes you down a familiar route, your heart pounding with every turn you take.

You don’t know what you’re expecting as you approach Quinn’s building, but you hope it’s still the same one. Hope that, for all the ways things have changed, this one thing remains the same. Because if it doesn’t — if you get to his door and find a stranger behind it, or worse, nothing at all — you don’t know what you’ll do.

But when you step inside the familiar lobby, heart hammering against your ribs, your breath leaves you in a rush. It’s the same. The same floors, the same dim lighting, the same quiet hum of the elevator as you press the button for his floor. Your stomach twists as you watch the numbers climb, each one bringing you closer to something you might not be able to take back.

By the time you’re standing in front of his door, your entire body is buzzing with nervous energy, hands clenched into fists at your sides. The reality of what you’re doing crashes into you all at once, but it’s too late to turn back now. You’re here. You’ve already made your choice.

You raise your hand, knocking twice, sharp and decisive.

Seconds pass. Then more. And just as doubt begins to creep in — just as you think maybe, mercifully, he’s not home — the lock clicks. The door swings open, and there he is.

Quinn.

His hair is tousled, dark strands falling over his forehead like he’s been running his hands through it all night. He’s in a hoodie and sweats, and for a brief, excruciating second, you imagine how he must look underneath — imagine the way his body must still move, still feel.

His eyes widen when he sees you, surprise flickering across his face before something else settles there — something heavier, unreadable. His brow furrows as his gaze sweeps over you, taking in the obvious signs that you’d been asleep before rushing over. The floral sleep shorts, the hoodie far too thin for the cold, the puffer vest thrown on in haste. The messy, low braid, the fuzzy slippers, the oversized glasses that Quinn always thought were too big for your face — but you looked so damn cute in them.

“What are you doing here?” Quinn's voice is rough, like he hasn’t spoken in hours, maybe even like he’s just woken up, though you know that not to be the case. Or maybe it’s just the weight of the moment settling between you, thick and heavy like fog rolling in over the water.

You swallow hard, the lump in your throat making it difficult to speak. Now that you’re standing here, now that you’ve actually done this, the words don’t come as easily as they did in your head. But you didn’t come all this way to back down now.

“I—” you falter, inhaling sharply before forcing yourself to meet his gaze. “I needed to talk to you.”

Quinn studies you for a long moment, his expression unreadable. Then he steps back, pulling the door open wider. The second you cross the threshold, it’s like stepping back in time. His apartment smells the same — clean, but lived in, a mix of laundry detergent and something inherently him. The familiarity sends a pang straight through your chest. You shouldn’t still remember these details. You shouldn’t still care. But you do.

He closes the door behind you, and when you turn to face him, the air between you feels thick, charged. His arms are crossed, his stance guarded, like he’s bracing himself for whatever you’re about to say.

“So?” His voice is quieter now, tinged with something that almost sounds like resignation. “What did you need to talk about?”

Your fingers tighten into fists at your sides. You remind yourself why you’re here. Why you needed to see him.

“You shouldn’t have said it.” The words slip from your lips before you can stop them.

Quinn’s jaw tenses. “Said what?”

“You know what.”

Silence stretches between you, taut and unyielding. He knows. You know he knows. And yet, he just watches you, waiting.

You exhale harshly, frustration bubbling beneath your skin. “At the party. You shouldn’t have told me you missed me.”

Quinn’s throat bobs as he swallows. His arms drop to his sides. “Why not?”

“Because it messed with my head,” you admit, voice cracking slightly. “Because I was fine. I was moving on.”

He scoffs softly, shaking his head. “Were you?”

“I was,” you insist, even though your voice lacks the conviction you wish it had. The words sound brittle, as fragile as glass. “I was happy, Quinn. I was growing. Moving forward. And then you—” You break off, shaking your head as the emotions rise, thick and suffocating in your throat. “Then you showed up and dragged me right back to where I was before. Heartbroken over you.”

Quinn flinches, but it’s fleeting. He schools his features into something colder, unreadable. You almost wish he wouldn’t. You almost want him to hurt the way you’ve been hurting.

“I’m with Caleb now,” you say, the name a tether, an anchor you cling to. “And he’s—he’s incredible, Quinn. Everything a girl would ever hope for in a boyfriend.”

Quinn’s eyes darken, but you barrel on, desperate to get the words out before they choke you. “He’s thoughtful. He listens. He shows up. God, he’s everything you weren’t.”

The silence that follows is deafening. For a second, you wonder if you’ve gone too far, if the bitterness in your voice has crossed a line you’ll regret. But then Quinn speaks, and his words slice through you like a blade.

“Sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself that he’s enough for you.”

The audacity of it — the sheer nerve — snaps something inside you.

“You’re a fucking asshole.” you snap, your voice trembling with fury. Quinn doesn’t back down. His gaze is steady, unflinching, and it infuriates you.

“I mean, God! You’re haunting me, Quinn! Like some goddamn ghost with a vengeance.” The words spill out before you can stop them, raw and unfiltered. “Ever since that stupid party, you’ve been everywhere. In my head, in my dreams, even when I’m with Caleb—”

You stop yourself, but it’s too late. The truth hangs in the air between you, heavy and damning.

Quinn’s brow knits together, eyes sharp with something knowing. “Even when you’re with Caleb?” he repeats, voice low.

You hate him for that. Hate the way he can see right through you, the way he always has.

“Forget it… You know you’re so goddamn infuriating the way you think you can just walk back into my life and tell me something like that!” you say, your volume raising with every word. You knew it was late and Quinns’ neighbors would probably have some choice words for him in the morning, but right now you couldn’t care less about his reputation as a tenant.

Something flickers in his gaze, something guilty, something hesitant. “I didn’t mean to—”

“Oh, don’t,” you snap. “Don’t fucking say you didn’t mean to. You knew what you were doing.”

He swallows hard, his jaw tightening. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s it?” You shake your head, laughter bubbling up again, but it’s hollow, bitter. “That’s all you have to say? No genuine apology, no explanation, nothing. Just… sorry. Sorry for what, Quinn? Sorry for being a coward, sorry for being a fucking asshole?”

Your voice cracks as you continue, the weight of your emotions finally breaking through the thin veneer of anger you've clung to. Tears blur your vision, hot and relentless, but you don’t stop. You can’t.

“Sorry for letting me fall in love with you and then walking away like it was nothing? Sorry for showing up at that party and throwing my entire goddamn life into chaos? Sorry for being in my head all the time, in my bed, in my fucking heart?” Your voice falters, raw and ragged. “Or are you just sorry because I showed up here and ruined your night?”

Quinn takes a step closer, his face tight with emotion, but you don’t give him a chance to speak.

“You ruined me, Quinn,” you sob, the admission wrenching free from your chest. “And I hate you for it. I hate that I can’t forget you. I hate that no matter how hard I try, you’re still here.” You press a shaking hand to your chest, where your heart feels like it’s splintering apart. “I should be over this. I should be happy. I am happy. Caleb is good. He loves me—”

Your voice breaks completely, and the tears come in earnest now, unstoppable and all-consuming. Your shoulders shake with the force of it, all the pain and confusion and longing spilling out in a way you’ve never let yourself feel before.

Through your sobs, you manage to choke out one final, devastating truth: “But I still love you, and I hate myself for it.”

The weight of your confession hangs heavy in the room, and for a moment, there’s only the sound of your ragged breathing and the thick, oppressive silence that follows.

And then Quinn moves.

He crosses the distance between you in two long strides, his hands coming up to gently but firmly grip your shoulders. You try to pull away, ashamed of your outburst, but he doesn’t let you. Instead, he pulls you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you in an embrace that’s as familiar as it is shattering.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers against your hair, his voice thick with emotion. “God, I’m so sorry.”

His words are a balm and a blade all at once. You press your face against his hoodie, the fabric dampening your tears, and you cling to him like he’s the only thing keeping you upright. His hand rubs slow, soothing circles on your back, grounding you in the midst of your chaos.

For a moment, you let yourself sink into him, the comfort of his presence erasing everything else. His warmth seeps into your bones, and despite every rational thought screaming at you to pull away, you stay. It's dangerous, how easy it is to fall back into this, how simple it feels to let him hold you like he used to.

“I tried to move on too,” he admits quietly, his voice low and raw. “But it’s you, it’s always been you.”

His words tear through the walls you've built, leaving you exposed and vulnerable. You want to push him away, to tell him to shut up, but your body betrays you, leaning closer instead. It's infuriating, this pull he has on you, this gravitational force that drags you back no matter how far you run.

Then his lips find your temple, lingering there as if he's testing the waters, asking permission without words. You shudder against him, torn between pushing him away and pulling him closer. His lips move down, pressing soft kisses along the apple of your cheek, until he hits the corner of your mouth. His hand tightens at your waist, and before you can think it through, his mouth is on yours.

It's everything you remember and more.

His lips are soft but insistent, moving against yours with a hunger that matches your own. The anguish melts away, replaced by a desperate, aching need that leaves you breathless. His hands trace up your torso, holding your chest against his, and you let out a sound you can’t contain as he deepens the kiss.

It's intoxicating. Familiar and yet completely new. He tastes like everything you miss, everything you swore you didn't need but always craved.

And for a moment, you let yourself get lost in it.

But then the weight of reality slams into you.

You break away, gasping for breath, your chest heaving. Quinn's eyes are dark and dazed, his lips red and swollen, but you don’t let yourself linger on the sight. You push him back, putting space between you, your heart pounding so loudly you can hear it in your ears.

“What the hell are you doing?” you demand, your voice shaking with anger and confusion. “You can’t just— God, Quinn, you can’t just kiss me and expect everything to be okay!”

He takes a step toward you, but you hold up a hand, stopping him. “No. Don’t. Just… don’t.”

The tears are back, blurring your vision, but you blink them away. “You don’t get to ruin me and then kiss me like it fixes everything. That’s not how this works.”

Silence stretches between you, thick with tension. Quinn looks like he wants to say something, but you don’t give him the chance. You’re already moving toward the door, your hands trembling as you reach for the handle.

“Wait,” he says, his voice desperate. “Please— don’t leave like this.”

You pause, your back to him, your shoulders stiff. “I can’t do this, Quinn. I just… I can’t.”

And then you’re gone.

You don’t look back as you walk down the hallway, the sound of your footsteps echoing in your ears. Your chest feels like it’s caving in, your lungs struggling to take in air. But you keep moving, keep walking, because stopping would mean facing the truth you’re not ready to confront.

That no matter how much you hate him for complicating your life, for breaking your heart, for being the chaos in your carefully constructed world — you can’t fully hate him.

Because deep down, you still love him.

And that terrifies you more than anything else.

[animamii]

letter from lockedup!Toji that goes along with this drabble ‎♡‧₊˚

...Beautiful, I just want you to know; you're my favorite girl...

— Beautiful~~Snoop dogg + Pharrel

‎

Hey, princess.

Got your letter today. Been reading it over and over, like I always do. I swear, these pages are the only thing keeping me sane in here. When everything else in this place feels like it’s closing in, I got your words, your handwriting, the way I can almost hear your voice saying all this to me. It keeps me steady. Keeps me from losing my head.

And that picture you sent? Fuck. You tryin’ to kill me in here? I swear, if these walls weren’t in the way, I’d be home already. You look good, baby. Too good. Almost makes me mad that other people get to see you like this when I can’t. But I know you’re mine. Always have been. Always will be.

You don’t even gotta try, and you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Sitting there, all sweet, all perfect. Makes me crazy knowing I can’t reach out and touch you, pull you into me, feel your skin, hear you laugh in my ear. It ain’t fair. But I guess nothing ever has been for me. Except you. You’re the one thing in this world that ever felt like it was mine. I don’t say this enough, probably don’t say half the shit you deserve to hear, but I need you to know that. You ain’t just my girl. You’re my peace, my home, the only thing I’ve ever been afraid to lose. And that’s saying something.

I laughed when I read about Megumi and his damn ramen obsession. Stubborn little punk. I wonder where he gets it from. (Yeah, yeah, don’t say shit—I know.) Tell him I said to listen to his stepma, eat a real meal, and quit acting like he doesn’t miss me. I know how he is. Pretends he don’t care, but I bet if I walked through that door tomorrow, he’d be the first one running to me. He won’t say it, but you can see it in his eyes. Just like his old man. Make sure he’s eating real food, alright? He might act like he don’t care, but I know he listens to you. Probably more than he ever listened to me.

And you. You better be taking care of yourself too. Are you sleeping? Eating? Taking care of yourself? I know how you get—running around, worrying about everyone else, not stopping to breathe. You always got so much to worry about, but you forget you’re supposed to take care of you too. I don’t wanna hear that you’re running on empty, staying up too late, stressing yourself out. You always act tough, but I know you, baby. I know when you’re holding too much inside. I know when you need me. And I swear to you, I’m coming back.

You tell me you’ll wait. That you don’t care how long it takes. But, baby, I care. Every second in here is a goddamn eternity. Every night I go to sleep thinking about you, and every morning I wake up counting down the days until I can get back to you. And I will. No matter what I gotta do, no matter how long it takes, I will get home to you.And when I do? You better be ready. Because I’m never letting you out of my sight again. You hear me? You’re stuck with me, forever.

Wait for me just a little longer. I love you. More than I’ll ever be able to put into words.

Toji

[insidekatmind]

High p1- Pope Heyward

You had always been the quieter one in the group. You and Pope, two of the most withdrawn people. He had always kept his distance, and you, being the new person, didn’t know just how much you could really connect with everyone yet. You didn’t smoke or drink much—just a little here and there, but nothing too crazy. Pope was the same. You both had your own quiet worlds, separate from the noise of the party.

Kiara, the girl who seemed to light up the whole group, had always been the one Pope adored. You could tell, even if he never said it out loud. But something had shifted in him recently, something you couldn’t quite figure out. He didn’t look at her the same way anymore. It was like there was some invisible wall between them, and neither of them could break it down.

One evening, everyone gathered around the usual bonfire. It was dark, the flames crackling, and the air was filled with the familiar hum of laughter and conversation. But Pope wasn’t there. He hadn’t shown up. You were left to the sidelines, unsure if you should be a part of the chaos or just remain a quiet observer.

JJ, always the one to get people involved, noticed you sitting alone and, with a mischievous grin, offered you some weed. Normally, you would’ve turned him down, but that night was different. Maybe it was the loneliness, maybe it was the pressure of fitting in. You didn’t even think twice before you agreed. The moment it hit you, everything felt different. The laughter around you was louder, everything seemed funnier, and the world took on a hazy glow. You were completely high, acting silly and laughing at things that made no sense at all. You felt light, free, and for the first time, you weren’t holding back.

Then, like a ghost out of the past, Pope showed up late. He had his usual look of calm composure, his hoodie and jeans, like he didn’t care about the chaos around him. But when he saw you, something flickered in his eyes. His gaze shifted from the group to you, and the shock was visible on his face. You were completely out of it, giggling uncontrollably at something someone had said, completely unaware of how absurd you must have looked.

Pope didn’t say anything at first. He just walked over to you, as if nothing was out of the ordinary. You, still caught in the high, gave him a goofy grin.

“Didn’t think you were the type to join in on this kind of fun,” Pope said, his voice dry but not unkind. There was a hint of mockery in it, but it was warm, almost teasing, like he was trying to gauge if you were still the same person he thought he knew. “Didn’t expect you to be the party animal.”

You snickered, barely able to form a coherent sentence. "I… I didn’t expect it either… but… it’s not so bad," you managed, your voice a little too high-pitched as you laughed.

Pope chuckled softly, shaking his head, but there was a flicker of something else behind his eyes. Maybe it was amusement, or maybe a touch of sadness—something you couldn’t quite read.

You smiled amusedly as you twirled around while showing off your little white dress. Pope's eyes followed your every movement, watching as you twirled around in your little white dress. He had to admit, it looked great on you, and he was struck once again by how different you were when you were like this—giggly, carefree, so unlike your usual quiet, reserved self.Pope felt a pang in his heart, a sudden realization of just how much he loved your laugh, the way you seemed blissfully carefree. He found himself wondering just how often he *got* to see you like this.

You giggle, stopping by touching your head because it was spinning. "Pope, it's beautiful, it turns everything around" you say amused.

Pope watched as you stopped giggling for a moment, touched your head as if you were dizzy. Pope couldn't help but chuckles a little as he said, "Well, that's what weed does to you, it makes the world look a lot prettier."He took a step closer to you and leaned against a tree, his eyes still locked on you. "You're having a lot of fun, huh?" he asked, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips.

You lean into him, laughing and resting your head on his chest. You were so short compared to him. Pope's eyes widened when you leaned into him, resting your head on his chest. The sudden closeness caught him off guard, but he found himself quite enjoying it. He wrapped an arm around your waist, his hand resting against the small of your back, just holding you there."You're awfully giggly tonight," he said, his voice a little lower, his tone a little softer. "Can you even walk straight?"

Smile amused. “No I don’t think so” you murmur into his chest. Pope chuckled, feeling your words against his chest. You were so honest, so open when you were high. It was almost endearing. He kept his arm firmly around you, supporting your weight as if you were going to fall over at any moment.“Well, that’s not good,” he teased. “How am I supposed to get you home in this state?”

You look at him with your cute little doe eyes. "I don't want to go home, I want to have fun" you say placing your hands on his shoulders. Pope looked down at you, his expression a mixture of amusement and affection. Your cute little doe eyes were looking up at him with a pleading expression, and he was struggling to resist the urge to give in to whatever you wanted."You’re going to regret this tomorrow, you know" he said, his voice a mix of warning and humor. "But fine, let’s have fun… within reason."

You smile sweetly and hug him. “Thank you, thank you,” you say enthusiastically. Pope let out a sigh, pretending to be exasperated, but in truth, he was finding it all quite endearing. You were all over the place, and he couldn’t help but enjoy every second of it.

“You’re welcome,” he said, returning your hug and giving you a small smile. “But no more weed for you, okay?”You giggle in amusement in his embrace. “We’ll see,” you hum and try to drag him to the lounge chair.

Pope couldn’t help but chuckle at your determination despite your current state. He let you drag him by the hand towards the lounge chair, his mind a mix of worry and amusement.“Hey, take it easy,” he cautioned, sitting down on the lounge chair and pulling you to sit on his lap.

You smile and lean into him putting your arms around his shoulders as you look up at the stars. Pope's heart skipped a beat as you leaned into him, your arms wrapping around his shoulders. He could feel your warmth against his chest, and he instinctively placed an arm around your waist to stabilize you.

Pope followed your gaze upwards, looking at the stars that were twinkling in the night sky. He couldn't help but smile at your fascination, your face glowing under the starlight."You really like the stars, don't you?" he asked, his voice a soft murmur against your ear.

You turn and look at him and nod, smiling softly. "Yes". Pope was caught off guard by the sudden shift in your attention, your smile and the look in your eyes. In that moment, he forgot all the reasons he was trying to keep his distance, all the reasons he was trying not to get too close.

He found himself looking at you, his gaze roaming over your face as if he was seeing you for the first time. In the soft light of the stars, you looked softer, more vulnerable—yet undeniably lovely.“You’re beautiful,” he murmured, the words slipping out before he could stop them.

You smile softly while blushing. "Thanks, you too" Pope's heart skipped a beat, his mind trying to process what had just happened. Did you just call him beautiful? He was caught off guard, a mixture of surprise and disbelief on his face.

He was used to being the one to express admiration, to give compliments, not receive them. But there was something about your sincerity, your gentle voice as you said the words, that made him feel fluttery, as if his heart was in his throat.“You really mean that?” Pope asked, his voice a little hoarse.

You nod, smiling softly and hugging him. Pope felt a warmth spread through him as you nodded and hugged him. He held you close, his arms wrapping around you in a protective yet tender embrace.“You really are something else,” he said, the words coming out a little gruff as he tried to keep his emotions in check. Pope could feel your heart beating against his chest, and he realized how much he liked having you like this, close, vulnerable, in his arms.

They sat like this for a moment, your head resting against his chest, his arms wrapped around you. The sounds of the party around them faded into background noise as they were lost in their own little world.Pope took a deep breath, the scent of your hair filling his nostrils, the feeling of your body against his strangely comfortable. He found himself looking down at you, his eyes tracing your features.“You know, I’ve never seen you like this before,” he said quietly, a smile playing at the corners of his lips.

You look up at him with those big doe eyes, your expression a mix of innocence and vulnerability. In that moment, you were the complete opposite of the quiet persona he knew. You were open, carefree, uninhibited—and it was utterly captivating.Pope found himself struggling to keep his thoughts straight. He had to remind himself that you were high, that you weren’t your usual self. But it was impossible to ignore the way his heart was pounding in his chest, the way his body ached to pull you closer.

He cleared his throat, trying to compose himself, but the words that came out were a little huskier than intended.“You’re so…” he trailed off, struggling to find the right word to describe how you were making him feel in this moment. “Free.”

You smile softly at his words and look at his lips. Pope felt a tingle go through his body as he noticed your gaze drifting to his lips. For a moment, he forgot how to breathe, his heart rate increasing at the unspoken implication.He swallowed hard, his eyes darting to your face, his own gaze lingering on your lips. The idea of closing the gap between them suddenly seemed incredibly appealing, but he forced himself to resist. You were high, he reminded himself. He couldn’t take advantage of you in this state.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he said quietly, his voice a little strangled.No matter how much he was struggling to keep his composure, there was no denying the desire that was building within him. The way you were looking at him, the way that your body was pressed against his, it was driving him wild.

"Why not?" You whisper softly. Pope felt his resolve crumbling, your soft whisper and the way you were looking at him stirring something within him that he couldn’t ignore. He wanted—no, needed—to touch you, to pull you even closer than you already were.

He swallowed, his throat becoming dry. “You know why,” he said, his voice low and rough. “You’re high. I can’t… I shouldn’t—”

You silence him by kissing him softly.

Continue…

[ruruumin]

phone call.

₊˚ ᗢ itoshi rin x gn! reader.

⤷ an unexpected phone call breaks you out of your mess.

going home, by all means, should mean good things. you no longer had to worry about your next paycheck or whats in your fridge. your parents dote on you every now and then, checking up on you as you lay in bed, noting the change in smell of your sheets. you should be happy, you keep telling yourself, but every time you wake up in the morning with the grease in your hair and a frown that doesn’t seem to turn upside down, you’re growing ever so frustrated by the circumstances. 

there lacks a feeling of agency that you felt when you left. whenever you ask your family what they have planned for the week, your parents shrug their shoulders, meanwhile your siblings roll their eyes and wave you off. outings are reserved for only the most special of occasions, like someone’s birthday or a national holiday. and if things couldn’t get any worse, the stickiness in your hair hasn’t gone away.

two weeks. thats all you have to endure, so why is it so increasingly difficult to feel normal? your bed should be the comfiest it has ever been, but its uncomfortable when you toss and turn, struggling to find the sweet spot that lulls you to sleep. in the morning, you have to continuously tug the corners of the sheets down so they don’t roll up on you again. you’re determined to say you’re no princess and pea, but the bags underneath your eyes are telling you to wake up and fix the bed.

for a moment, you start to miss your job. as much as its dreadful having to wake up early every single morning and motivate yourself in the mirror that it’ll be an easy day, you’re starting to realize the beauty in routine. the miniscule of joy that bubbles up in your chest whenever you come home and drop your bags to the ground, sighing in relief as you pop all the joints in your shoulders. even with exhaustion hanging off of you, at the end of the day, there was something to do. something that made everything all worth it.

and yet you lay in bed, staring up at the popcorn ceiling that you swear will one day come crashing down on you like dust. its obsessive the way you check your phone for any new messages, scrolling through dozens of instagram stories and seeing your friends travel the world with their families. 

suddenly, your phone goes off. rising from your coffin you take it into your hands, seeing the caller id flash. itoshi rin is calling! fumbling, you hurriedly answer the call, nervous beads of cold sweat running down the side of your neck. you pat down the frizz from your hair as you sigh.

“rin-chan?” 

his nickname rolls off your tongue as easily as your sanity in this room. you’ve been calling him with the same honorific since you were middle schoolers. despite the childishness of it all and how frighteningly shocked his friends look hearing it, he never once corrected you. 

“hello.” his voice is deep and alluding. sometimes it comes off as a little dry from the way he ends each sentence with a raspy breath. you hold the phone close to your ear, pressing your lips together as you eye the clock on your wall. 

“is something wrong? you don’t call unless its an emergency.” 

ever since sae left for spain, he’s lost interest in calling people. he would prefer texting his parents over answering their phone calls. even when he’s gotten lost on multiple occasions, ending up next to a river five miles from his house, he refused to make the first call. perhaps its the pride in his heart that has him refusing any form of voice-related communication, like asking for help was the equivalent of kneeling down and begging. 

you could already imagine his voice: that’s disgusting. i’d never call unless i need to. 

however, that’s not the thing that comes out of his mouth. 

“...nothing, i just wanted to call and ask how you are.” he replies with the same nonchalant tone you’ve grown too fond of. “i haven’t seen you in a while.”

“oh, i see.”

“are you busy?” 

you shake your head, even if hes unable to see it through the other line. “no, i was thinking about watching a movie or something to pass the time.” you look over to the laptop on your bed. its covered in stickers from different conventions you’ve been to. some of which you’ve miraculously dragged rin into attending, only because the author of dragon head was doing a panel. 

“i see.” there is a pause before he speaks up again. “do you want to watch anything together?”

“like—in person? or stream something online?” 

he hums with a melodic trill that has you on the edge of your bed. 

“either or works. but i like watching horror movies in person.” 

a shiver immediately runs down your spine as you close your eyes, teeth clattering together comedically. the last time you agreed to watch a horror movie with rin (regrettably you were the one to ask him what he wanted to watch since you asked him out first), he chose the goriest film known to man. 

at the time, you were both high schoolers sneaking out past curfew to watch movies at the local theater. you were holding onto his arm, begging to squeeze his hand to ease your worries. he somehow agreed despite knowing your grip strength, and allowed you to grip his hand as tight as you wanted. during the movie, you didn’t think much about it, not wanting to overcomplicate the strange relationship you had. all you did remember though, was that his skin felt warm against yours and how perfectly your fingers fit against the cracks of his hand. 

“please don’t make us watch another film like the sadness. i couldn’t handle it.”

“it’ll be tamer than that.” 

“really?”

“would i lie to you?”

you suppose he wouldn’t. he hasn’t for the last few years you’ve known him. he’s been open as a book. he’s a quiet man but his eyes scream the words in his throat. you think he’s the true definition of the quote: eyes are windows to the soul, because every time he’s drooling over icy-blue popsicles, it shows in the slight sheen in his eyes.

he’s sweeter than sugar when he wants to be and it makes you wonder if there was more to this than just a simple phone call. you want to think by some heavenly force, he heard your thoughts and wanted to pull you out of this slump. unknowingly, you let out a soft laugh. 

“what are you laughing about?”

you exhale in response, “i just thought it was funny that you would call. you normally don’t—so i was wondering if there was more to it.” 

he’s quiet on the other line. 

“sorry, did i say something wrong?” 

“no. i guess i was thinking the same thing.” 

you hold back a surprised gasp. for someone calm and rational as rin, going out of his way to call you was already a big step. but him asking to watch a movie with you? out of nowhere? surely there was something at play here that you weren’t quite seeing. swallowing your nervousness, you open your mouth to ask him the most important question of all:

“what is the real reason you’re calling, rin?” 

he takes a deep breath before saying three words. just three. nothing more. nothing less. but enough to convey to you the true intent of his actions.

“...i like you.” 

“huh?”

“i liked you since we met, (name). i didn’t want you to hear it from anyone else but me.”

“what are you—wait, rin—”

there is knocking on the other side. you could hear rin’s exasperated sigh and the sharp inhale he takes when the door opens. you heard isagi call out his name alongside bachira. they stumbled into the same place as rin, asking him if he will confess to his special somebody, not knowing that this special person was listening into their conversation, heart stopped and cupid-struck. 

rin brings his phone back up to his ear, “if you feel the same, can you watch a movie with me? i’ll be at the same place we always go to.” 

after that, the call ends abruptly. you’re left in shock, hand trembling and fingers fumbling over the call back button. you wanted answers. like how long did it take you to find out? why confess now? did something happen between him and the other boys at blue lock? and will you be joining him? 

looking at his caller id, you press your lips together, swiping your phone and running to your closet to throw on any fitting clothes. you realize after exiting your house that he had kept you from spiraling.

[chrissssssmut]

My Huh Yunjin...

Huh Yunjin x Yandere Male reader

(First ever requested fic! Hope u see this! Pls bare with me with the upload schedule 😭)

Huh Yunjin was perfect.

Everyone loved her.

She was the kind of girl who made people stop and stare when she walked into a room. The kind of girl who laughed like sunshine and made even the coldest hearts melt. Teachers adored her, classmates wanted to be her, and boys tripped over themselves just to get a second of her attention.

She wasn’t just beautiful—she was breathtaking. Unforgettable. The kind of girl who made the world feel like it revolved around her.

And she was your best friend.

At first, you were proud.

She stood beside you, smiling, talking, laughing. With you. No one else had that. No one else was as close to her as you were.

But then you started to notice—

She wasn’t just yours.

She had too many friends. Too many admirers. Too many people who thought they deserved a piece of her.

It made your skin crawl.

She was slipping away.

And you couldn’t let that happen.

So one by one, you took away everything that tried to pull her from you.

And slowly—bit by bit—her world fell apart..

It started with Yunjin’s first real crush, Lee Hyunwoo.

A quiet, charming boy from her class, he played the guitar and always lent her his jacket when she forgot hers. He was gentle, kind—safe.

One day, just when she worked up the courage to confess, Hyunwoo vanished.

"Expelled," someone whispered. "Cheating scandal. His whole family’s embarrassed."

It didn’t make sense. Hyunwoo was obsessively studious—he’d rather die than cheat. But the evidence was airtight. Someone leaked messages, screenshots, proof that he had stolen exam answers.

Yunjin tried calling him. Number disconnected. She messaged him. No response.

The only one who seemed to care was you.

"You’re better off," you had told her, sitting beside her on the school steps. "He wasn’t good for you anyway."

She sighed, leaning into you for comfort.

She didn’t see the victorious glint in your eyes.

Yunjin and Kazuha had been inseparable. They were more than best friends; they were sisters.

Then, suddenly, Kazuha moved away.

"She never told me she was leaving," Yunjin mumbled, scrolling through their old messages.

"Maybe she didn’t think you’d care," you replied.

Yunjin frowned. "Of course I care."

She called. No answer.

She checked social media. Kazuha was gone. Every account deleted.

Her parents wouldn’t tell her anything. It was like Kazuha had been erased from existence.

You sat beside her, stroking her hair.

"People leave," you whispered. "But I never will."

She sniffled, nodding.

She didn’t know that Kazuha’s departure was your doing.

She didn’t know you had threatened her.

Music was Yunjin’s life.

She had spent months preparing for the talent showcase—her shot at being scouted.

Two days before the event, she got the call.

"We received an anonymous tip that you plagiarized your piece. We can’t let you perform."

Her world shattered.

She sat alone in the empty auditorium, fingers shaking.

"Why does this keep happening?" she whispered.

You sat beside her, pressing a hand against her back.

"Maybe it’s a sign," you murmured. "Maybe you don’t need all that. You just need me."

Her throat tightened.

She didn’t know that the anonymous tip came from you.

That you had destroyed her chance at leaving.

Because if she succeeded, she’d go far, far away—away from you.

And that was unacceptable.

At first, Yunjin thought she was just unlucky.

But when everything crumbled—again and again—and you were always there afterward…

She finally saw the truth.

She connected the dots.

Hyunwoo.

Kazuha.

Her dreams.

All gone.

And the only constant was you.

Her heart pounded as she stared at you.

"You did this," she whispered.

You tilted your head. "What are you talking about?"

She stood up, shaking. "You—You ruined my life. Every time I had something good, it disappeared. Hyunwoo. Kazuha. My showcase. It was you, wasn’t it?"

Your expression didn’t change.

Then, slowly—you smiled.

"And if it was?"

Her breath hitched.

"You—"

"You were meant to be mine, Yunjin," you murmured, stepping closer. "I only got rid of the things that were taking you away from me."

Her stomach twisted.

"You’re crazy," she choked out.

You chuckled, shaking your head. "No, Yunjin. I’m in love with you."

She froze.

Your eyes darkened.

"And I won’t let anyone take you from me."

She ran.

She fought.

She lost.

You overpowered her easily, dragging her through the dark streets as she screamed for help.

Her fists slammed against your chest. She kicked wildly, nails clawing at your skin.

"LET ME GO!"

You pressed a cloth over her mouth, voice gentle.

"Shh, Yunjin. It’s okay. I’ve got you."

Her struggles weakened.

Her screams faded.

And when she woke up, everything was different.

At first, she thought she had escaped.

She woke up in her bed. Sunlight streamed through the window. She could hear birds. Smell coffee.

Relief flooded her.

"It was just a nightmare," she whispered.

She sat up—

Chains rattled.

Her wrists were tied to the bed.

The sunlight was just a lamp.

The birds were a recording.

The coffee was a candle.

She wasn’t home.

She was still with you.

Her breath quickened.

The door creaked open.

You stepped inside, smiling softly.

"Good morning, Yunjin. I hope you slept well."

Her heart stopped.

"This isn’t real," she whimpered.

You tilted your head.

"Of course it is," you murmured, brushing her hair back. "You’re home. Our home."

Tears streamed down her face.

"No, no, no—"

You pulled her into your arms.

"Hush, my love." you whispered. "You don’t have to worry anymore."

She tried to struggle, but you were stronger.

She begged.

"I’ll be your best friend forever! I promise! Just don’t—please don’t do this!"

You smiled.

"I don’t want to be just your best friend, Yunjin."

Your grip tightened.

"I want you to be mine."

She sobbed. You hated that sound.

You hit her. Hard.

Not enough to break anything—just enough to make her stop crying.

"Why do you do that?" you muttered, rubbing your knuckles. "I don’t like fucking hurting you. But you make me do it."

Yunjin bit her lip, swallowing her sobs.

Good.

You reached into your pocket and pulled out a small knife.

She stiffened.

"Shh," you whispered, pressing the tip against her skin. "I’m not going to kill you. I just…"

You pressed down lightly, watching as a thin line of red bloomed against her skin.

"Beautiful," you murmured, leaning down.

Yunjin shuddered as your tongue flicked across the wound, licking up the blood.

You sighed.

"You taste just like I imagined."

Her breathing was ragged.

"Please," she whispered. "Please let me go."

You smiled, cupping her cheek.

"Why would I ever do that?"

The television hummed in the background, and the news anchor’s voice filled the dimly lit room.

"Breaking news: Authorities are still searching for missing girl Huh Yunjin, who disappeared two weeks ago. Police suspect foul play—"

Yunjin’s breath caught in her throat.

You turned to the screen, a slow smile spreading across your lips.

"They’ll never find you," you murmured. Then, you turned back to her, your smile widening. "Because you belong to me, Yunjin."

Tears streamed down her face.

You hated that.

Your grip tightened around her face, fingers digging into her skin until it bled.

"You will never find freedom again," you growled, squeezing until she whimpered.

"You’re mine my love. Forever and always."

[00valentina-writes00]

Abby with gf who has an ed???

✞⛧ Abby Anderson with a girlfriend that has an ED ✞⛧

Tw: Mentions of ED

✞⛧ Abby notices before you even say anything. She’s observant, always watching you with those sharp, concerned eyes. At first, she doesn’t push, but she starts taking mental notes—how little you eat, how often you make excuses, the way your hands tremble when you go too long without food.

✞⛧ She’s so gentle about it. She doesn’t force you to eat or make you feel bad, but she always makes sure there’s food around. “I made extra,” she says casually, setting a plate in front of you. “Eat if you want.”

✞⛧ The first time you break down and admit you’re struggling, she just holds you. No judgment. No anger. Just strong, steady arms around you as she murmurs, “We’ll figure this out, okay? Together.”

✞⛧ She starts bringing snacks to share during patrols. “We gotta keep our energy up,” she says, handing you a protein bar. She takes a big bite of hers first, making a show of how good it is, hoping you’ll follow suit.

✞⛧ She’s so patient. Never makes you feel guilty. Never rushes your progress. Just steady, unwavering support.

✞⛧ She notices the way you stare at food sometimes, like it’s the enemy. The way you poke at it, move it around your plate, take tiny bites. It breaks her heart, but she never makes you feel ashamed.

✞⛧ When you’re feeling particularly low, she doesn’t ask you to eat—she just holds your hand, rubs her thumb over your knuckles, and reminds you she loves you no matter what.

✞⛧ She gets extra protective when she hears others making comments about food, weight, or body image. She hates that society still has a hold on people like that, even after the world ended.

✞⛧ If someone ever makes a rude comment about your eating habits, Abby sees red. “Mind your own fucking business,” she growls, stepping in front of you like a shield.

✞⛧ She takes time to learn everything she can about eating disorders. Finds old books, asks around, even talks to Yara about nutrition. Anything to understand what you’re going through.

✞⛧ She starts meal prepping with you, making it a bonding activity rather than a chore. “You don’t have to eat it if you’re not ready,” she assures you. “But let’s make something together, yeah?”

✞⛧ She makes sure your shared space is safe—no triggering conversations, no pressure, just love and understanding.

✞⛧ She learns the subtle signs of when you’re struggling—zoning out, irritability, dizziness—and steps in before things get bad. “C’mere, babe. Let’s sit for a second.”

✞⛧ She makes a habit of bringing you tea, especially when your stomach is hurting. “It’s warm,” she says, pressing the cup into your hands. “Just sip it, no pressure.”

✞⛧ If you have bad body image days, Abby will worship you. Kisses every inch of you, murmurs soft praises against your skin, makes sure you know how loved and beautiful you are.

✞⛧ When you have moments where you feel guilty about eating, she reassures you: “Food isn’t the enemy, babe. It keeps you strong. And I need you strong, okay?”

✞⛧ She’s a big spoon kind of girlfriend, always holding you close, always making sure you feel secure.

✞⛧ She starts cooking more, experimenting with different meals to find things that don’t overwhelm you. “Tell me what looks good to you,” she says, flipping through an old cookbook she found

✞⛧ If eating is too hard some days, she doesn’t push—you can just lay in her arms, and she’ll remind you that one bad day doesn’t erase all your progress.

✞⛧ She gives the best pep talks. “You’re doing so good, babe. Even on the hard days. I’m proud of you.”

✞⛧ If you’re feeling self-conscious about eating in front of others, she’ll make sure you have private meals together. “Just us, okay? No pressure.”

✞⛧ She’ll distract you during meals—talking about her day, telling you dumb jokes, playfully nudging your foot under the table—to take the stress off eating.

✞⛧ She makes sure you never feel alone in this. If you wake up in the middle of the night feeling guilty or anxious, she’s already pulling you into her chest, whispering, “I’ve got you.”

✞⛧ On days when eating feels impossible, she reminds you that small steps are still steps. “A few bites is still progress. I’m proud of you.”

✞⛧ She celebrates your victories, no matter how small. “You ate half of it? That’s amazing, babe.”

✞⛧ If you start spiraling, she grounds you—holding your face in her hands, pressing her forehead to yours, whispering, “You’re safe. You’re okay. I’ve got you.”

✞⛧ She never lets you feel like a burden. “You’d do the same for me,” she reminds you when you apologize for struggling. “And I love taking care of you.”

✞⛧ If you ever relapse, she never gets mad. She just holds you close and says, “We’ll try again tomorrow, okay?”

✞⛧ She’s your biggest supporter, your protector, your safe place. And no matter what, she’ll always be right by your side.

[luigifan1998]

luigi x wife!reader headcanons. can be set before or after he went mia

right right right. married lu. throws myself on the floor

for the sake of length ill keep this to before he dropped off the face of the earth but ive written a memo to write about the after in a separate post soon

my personal biases might get in the way of this because i am unwell and genuinely think he is in desperate need of someone whos up at 3 am fighting a manifestation of their own hubris in their bed. he needs someone that experiences romantic delirium and is convinced her dreams tell her stories of the two of them from thousands of years ago. a girl thats considered showing up to a convent and who has a favorite saint. a rotten girl who wants to eat a piece of his birth certificate. this is so crucial to me unfortunately

that being said. its my belief that lu is saccharine, something he didnt know until you came along and peeled the wallpaper off his psyche. the way his customary sweetness unravels itself is sickly and all enveloping. hes the neediest boy in the world, forever coming to you with quiet infirmity. he drapes himself over you whenever he can, always saying how you were made to hold him. his incessant appetite for affection didnt ease with marriage. he plays with your ringed finger absentmindedly. presses his lips against it, not registering the habit

he would think of marriage early on in the relationship, unreachable to the anxious expressions of others when he'd say hes going to marry you weeks into dating. when he decided this, he paced back and forth in his bedroom, hardly able to focus long enough to tell the time before seeking his mom out to tell her. it all came out in one big prosaic wave. she thought he sounded like a child but his cheeks were flushed and his heart is so painfully stitched onto his sleeve in regards to you. he doesnt press the idea of the union but he likes to tell you how hes going to make you his wife during random moments. when youre eating. when you make him laugh. when hes fucking you

i can see lu trying and failing to preserve going all the way when you mess around once youve accepted his proposal. the engagement would be long. he is so busy and so wanted by everyone around him, but the novelty of you being his fiancé would wear off after the first couple of months. he wants to fuck his wife, not his girlfriend. he wants the sanctimony of marriage to wrap around the two of you when hes inside. the vow acts as a spectator in the bedroom, and he needs it. needs you to be his and only his under a holy decree. he calls you his bride and his little wife

in my heart of hearts....... i know lu would want to propose in the most cheesy way ever. his sister behind foliage, filming the whole thing. balloons. one knee. the rest of your family nearby. the video would be uploaded onto instagram, people you havent ever met commenting with what a beautiful couple the two of you make. but i think the right girl could pavlov him into asking in a whisper under the soft cotton of a bedsheet. face kisses and crying and pleading for the rest of your life to belong to him in some capacity. he cant live without this

the ring would be beautiful and heavy with weight and the diamond would be absurdly large. he'll never let onto the price, just like hes been doing with the checks at each restaurant youve been to together since your first date. bastard. whats next? steak tartare at the reception? he starts biting you each time you deny being able to accept such an insane piece of jewelry